You should all know what today is. Today is the day pot-smoking amateurs giggle to one another about how high they're going to be all day, while the real potheads simply wait with stoic stoner patience for the magic hour to roll around. Yeah, you'll know the real burnouts when you see them.

Not the goofy college kids, laughing and running around on the Frisbee golf course, blaring M.I.A. from a radio cooler. No, see that 50-year-old art professor with the salt and pepper beard, quietly walking home from the convenience store with sacks full of different kinds of cereal? There you go. That guy's almost as burnt out as...

Cypress Hill: Come on, would Cypress Hill even exist if there was no such thing as marijuana? They'd have maybe five songs about killing people, that one song from the Training Day trailers, and then what? They've been on the cover of High Times Magazine more than Julia Roberts has been on the cover of People. Their appearance on The Simpsons even references their beloved hobby, as you can see here, presented in authentic stoner lo-fi quality, and also in Spanish.

Britney Spears: Remember a few years back when everyone thought Brit was going to die soon? When she gained all that weight, married that douchebag, shaved her head and attacked a convoy of paparazzi with an umbrella? Yeah, we're all pretty sure she was high throughout all that. We don't exactly know what she was high on, but she spent a while in rehab and came out way, way saner.

Some suggest the head-shaving thing was to avoid her hair being used to test for drugs, but like any good drug rumor, we have no idea as to the veracity of this claim. Plus, as you can see in this video here, she expressed a desire to watch the 1997 crapfest Spawn, which is one of the twelve signs of THC overdose. We're very grateful Britney got her shit together, if for no other reason than it'll probably be a while before she wants to do another reality series.

Ozzy Osbourne: Ever since The Osbournes premiered on MTV early last decade, Ozzy has been something of a joke. He's in on the joke, of course, and this is because people often make the key mistake of forgetting he's not stupid. No, really. Listen to even his more recent interviews and you'll see the man can still speak lucidly. Even so, he does seem to have trouble expressing himself at times, and Ozzy will be the first to tell you what is to blame: Drugs, and lots of them.

His stumbling, stammering method of speech is often parodied, and serves as a cautionary to the youngsters. Kids, if you fry your brain on tons and tons of drugs, you could very well grow up to be a millionaire rock star who can't speak clearly. Or, you know... the President of the United States.