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Balls Deep In a Hands Up Flame War/Caption Contest

Noted local music scene provacateur Jacob Calle, who is fond of bicycling down Westheimer or strolling hurricane-tossed beaches in a bear costume (above), as well as many other semi-hazardous activities, is once again stirring up trouble in a most hilarious fashion - although, it should be pointed out, he's not exactly the instigator this time. According to Rocks Off's undercover source, whom we trust implicitly, a certain singer for a certain local noise-punk band swiped Calle's crate of LPs at Calle's new AutoTune- and ass-obsessed group Balls Deep's debut show last Friday night at The Social.

Early this morning, the LP bandit posted the following message under the heading "Dear Jacob" on the Hands Up Houston message board:

"i will give you your records back on the graustark bridge @ 4 am tomorrow the 17th. if you bring someone, i'll throw them over the bridge. if you bring a car, i'll throw them over the bridge. if you try any faggotry, i will straight up beat you without remorse. i want you to be on the bridge by yourself at 4am. shut your mouth before i f.uck it. support black congress."

This touched off an enormous Hands Up thread of random pictures (ALF, Morrissey and a turkey, etc.) using his ultimatium as a caption. (Opinion is split over whether he's serious or not, but probably so.) Put in your two cents here, and enjoy these Balls Deep MP3s Rocks Off meant to post Friday. (Sorry, Jacob.) And come on, dude, give the guy his records back.

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Chris Gray has been Music Editor for the Houston Press since 2008. He is the proud father of a Beatles-loving toddler named Oliver.
Contact: Chris Gray