^
Keep Houston Press Free
4
| Lists |

Beasting Off the Riesling: The Most Ridiculous Lyrics of 2009, Part 2

New Kids on the Block, "Dirty Dancing""It's so crazy/ She's like 'Baby'/ I'm like Swayze"

One would think that the last thing the somewhat revitalized New Kids on the Block (or is that NKOTB?) would want to do is remind people that it's not 1987 anymore. Perhaps, however, we shouldn't think of "Dirty Dancing" as an early-2009, anachronistic attempt by a bunch of 40-year-olds to stay relevant to teens. We should just think of it as a prophetic tribute to Patrick Swayze, sadly a ghost before his time.

4. Pitbull, "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)"

"Now watch me make a movie like Albert Hitchcock"

Though imdb has plenty of information on another, similarly named director, it doesn't have much on this Albert Hitchcock guy, so one wonders what kind of films he makes. Perhaps ones involving randy Miami rappers doing a whole lot of poorly researched name-dropping?

3. Lady Gaga, "LoveGame"

"Let's have some fun/ This beat is sick/ I want to take a ride on your disco stick"

The literal roots of "disco stick" remain something of a mystery. Is it something like a glow stick? A pogo stick? As far as sexual metaphors aimed at appealing to very young children, however, it somehow bests Lil Wayne's "Lollipop," 50 Cent's "Amusement Park" and Lil Kim's "Magic Stick." Bravo, Gaga!

2. 3OH!3, "Don't Trust Me"

"Shush girl/ Shut your lips/ Do the Helen Keller/ And talk with your hips"

Halfway through the writing of "Don't Trust Me," the members of 3OH!3 apparently called a meeting. "Sure, we're already referring to the song's female protagonist as a 'ho,' which is pretty offensive, considering we're white guys," imparted singer Sean Foreman. "But is there a way we could step it up a little? Like, maybe reference the most beloved disabled figure of all time in a derogatory manner?" "It's not going to be easy," said partner Nathaniel Motte. "But I've got an idea."

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

1. Jeremih, "Birthday Sex"

"We can float on top my waterbed/ You close your eyes as I improv between your legs"

What is this, Second City? The Groundlings? Where, exactly, can one take a class in this particular brand of improv?

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.