We have three words for you: Unlock all twerks.
Those three words are from the New Orleans bounce queen Big Freedia and a little thing called the "Twerk App," which -- as you may have guessed -- is an app created with booty-bouncing connoisseurs in mind.
Christmas obviously came a little early this year.
It seems like we were only just gushing about the fantastic wobbling present Big Freedia gave us last fall, when she helped set the Guinness World Record for the most people twerking simultaneously.
If you missed it, please click the above link. Booties were rockin' everywhere.
And now, because Big Freedia obviously wants this to be the best holiday season ever, she's one-upped herself and given us the gift of Twerk, which we can use the whole year round. It's seriously a Christmas miracle.
So what exactly is a Twerk App, you ask? Well, it's obviously a) the best thing ever invented; and b) an app based on the art of big-booty bouncing. That simple.
Well, kind of that simple. You still apparently have to be able to pop that ass to use the app, a skill we aren't terribly adept at. (Yet.)
According to Big Freedia's promo video, the Twerk App is a pretty easy to use, should you have some semblance of rhythm in your body. Just download it, line up your booty with Big Freedia's professional dancers, and then pop-pop-pop that thang while recording your antics.
Oh, and then you share it with the hashtag #BigFreediaTwerk by January 5 so that other people can watch and you can win.
Story continues on the next page.
But, theres a catch. All you iPhone users who are also avid twirkers may be out of luck for now. Freedia's glorious app is only available on Android at the moment. Womp-womp.
Maybe write your senators or something? Or just wait until it hits the App Store on iTunes, which Big Freedia promises is about to happen.
While we obviously won't be taking part in this big booty contest until we can figure out how to do that mesmerizing left-right-left movement, perhaps you should. After all, should you be any good at the art of booty-shakin', you may end up on a video with the Twerk Queen herself if you share your (only slightly mortifying) video and she digs it. That's right; there are prizes with the app-assery shenanigans, too.
According to the press release for the app, Big Freedia will be choosing some of you more nimble twerkers to join her in a promo video for the app, and you'll also get a bunch of other sweet twerk-related goodies.
So should you happen to be in the wobble-wobble-shake-it-shake-it mood, you should probably go download this booty beast and get to practicing. Time's a-wastin'.
This is the part where we'd normally tell you to be a nice reader and share your gift if you end up on Big Freedia's best booty bouncing list, but just knowing there's an app where you can UNLOCK ALL TWERKS is prize enough for us.
Also, there are bound to be some seriously disastrous entries, which we will use to ease the sting from lacking the proper twerking skills to join in on all the antics.
Thanks for the Christmas present, Big Freedia. Big booties in app form are just what we always wanted.
Happy booty-bouncing, folks. Careful not to put an eye out.
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