Big Time Rush, Victoria Justice Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion June 28, 2013

If you think you heard a strange, high-pitched noise being emitted from the Cynthia Woods Pavilion this past Friday night, there's no need to get your hearing checked. It was only the sound of a zillion teen girls screeching for their Nickelodeon music idols, the boys from Big Time Rush.

The TV boy band also brought along a fellow member of the Nickelodeon music pack, Ms. Victoria Justice. Although I was not an active contributor in the fangirl screaming, I too was in attendance to check out the Big Time Rush madness, and man, was it somethin'.

I nearly got trampled to death at one point, as a gaggle of giggling girls ran toward Logan -- one of the four members of Big Time Rush -- as he searched the crowd for a lucky girl to serenade. This job is hazardous to your health sometimes, in ways you'd never imagine.

Given that I'm still nursing my battle scars from the boy-band madness, I'm going to review the show with the help of some tweets from the ones who can tell you best about those Nick boys -- their fans. Here goes. You might wanna cover your ears. Even their tweets scream.

So here we go. Time to gear up for the trek out I-45 to endure a concert full of posters, body glitter, and Justice attire. Just another day in paradise.

I, along with the people above and everyone else on the face of the earth, headed out to The Woodlands to check out what makes these boys so Tiger Beat worthy. I'd soon find out. And by soon I mean the hour and a half it took to make the drive, thanks to an accident by the exit and a caravan of SUVs loaded to the brim with tween Rushers.

AHMAHGAHHHH! The Big Time Rush bus!! They're parked behind the stage, and we're all going to try to sneak back there to meet them!! Logaaaaaaaan!

There are two -- count 'em -- two openers before Victoria Justice takes the stage. There wasn't much excitement from the first two; these kids were obviously jacked to see Victoria Justice and Big Time Rush only, and man, did they make that evident. As soon as Victoria rose up from the platform on stage, the entire crowd of girls shrieked in unison, approving of the arrival of their Nickelodeon princess of pop.

I recognized all of zero songs she sang through her set, but the rest of the crowd (minus the parents) sang in unison. Standout song? "Best Friend's Brother (BFB)," an ode to, well, her best friend's brother and the crush she has on him. Lots and lots of little girls screaming out B.F.B. made it quite clear that this was a very important tune.

There was quite a long break between Victoria Justice's set and the Big Time Rush set, during which the girls in the crowd screamed in unison at nearly every movement on stage. The crew came out to change out the instruments -- random screams. The banner for Big Time Rush was lifted across the stage -- even more screams. Damn, those kids are loud.

And here's why they're so jacked to see them, apparently. Big Time Rush can heal broken hearts with just a wink and some hair gel.

AHHHHHH! Big Time RUSH IS ON!! AHHHHHH!

'Big Time Rush took the stage to an even louder version of the earlier screams, and they had freakin' trampolines in the middle of their set. Oh, and a DJ. They were totally cute; I can see why the girls like 'em. They're quite vanilla, safe, and hardly the boy bands of old. These guys are coached to the hilt, and thank God, since it seems their fan base is mainly under the age of 14.

Their set was super-high-energy, with flips off of the trampolines, jumping, and overall injections of hyperactivity, which I'm assuming was perfect to wear out all of those sugared up kids in the audience.

They slowed things down mid-set, scouring the audience for a girl to serenade, and chose one from the aisle right in front of me. Too bad; I suppose I'm out of their target audience.

Apparently these guys are mighty powerful, makin' girls cry so hard and all. I wanted to cry at points too; those screams were deafening.

A quick encore and some Harlem-shaking, and we were all tied up for the night in a pretty little package. It was a pretty typical Nickelodeon-produced boy band concert; which meant it was perfect for the little ones, and murder on the ears for the parents.

She's not the only one who thought it was the most exciting concert EVARRR.

Somebody deserves a parent of the year award for taking their kid to the Houston concert, and then turning around to make the trek to Dallas for the concert the next night. Either that or they're a glutton for punishment, with the whole death by screaming risk at these concerts.

Whoo! Confetti!

If that's seriously the way she left the meet and greet, I would like to adopt her because she is way too awesome for words.

Yep, gotta get your hydration on at McDonald's post-screaming. We don't want to get hoarse, now do we?

Oh, boo. Maybe next year.

Personal Bias: Really, I just can't with another boy band after the Package Tour. I need a minute.

The Crowd: Glittery, lots of pink, and lots of parents. Surprisingly, no one was drinking (except me, I guess). There were no lines for beer. Go figure.

Overheard In the Crowd: "Oh my GAAAAWD! I touched him! I touched him! I touched Logan!"

Random Notebook Dump: No lie, my ear was ringing on my drive to work this morning. Surely there's hazard pay for this kind of stuff.