This is a love story. I'd like to think that it's still being written, although the reality is that the last chapter may have already been recorded. First things first: I caused this. I hurt her. And now we are no longer united. It was a beautiful thing, our love. Still is. But not all love stories have happy endings.
I once saw the phrase "Love Stories Suck" on the street when I was traveling. Although I quickly and angrily posted it on Instagram and wanted to believe that to be true, my heart told me otherwise. Not all of them suck. I had hope for mine then, and still hold onto hope even now.
Music is, or was, a big part of our relationship. From concerts to car rides to streaming audio, it was more than just background noise to us. We cherished music in our own way, and shared quite a few of our favorite songs with one another. We could constantly send each other new tracks as we discovered them, their lyrics describing us sometimes too perfectly.
We may not be together, which is exponentially harder at this time of year, and the time for sadness is still ripe. But I can always listen to her playlist and remember that for a brief period of time, she was it for me.
This is what I've been listening to since the breakup:
"She Used to Be Mine," Brooks & Dunn This one hits me hard. For starters, her favorite genre is country music. And this track tells the tale of a guy who laments the hurt he bestowed on his love. And if the day ever comes when she finds someone else, that will be the second-worst day of my life, after the day she told me to get lost.
"A Pesar de Todo," Vicente Fernandez As a typical Mexican hombre, my default therapist for heartbreak is the greatest charro of all time. Chente utilizes his voice to spill his heart and remember the great love he lost. Despite all of the hardships and suffering, he can never, not even for one minute, forget her. Oh, don't mind me, I'm just crying in my cerveza over here.
"You're the Kind of Girl," Lee Fields & the Expressions The great soul singer Lee Fields perfectly expresses how the right girl can make a man believe in true love. The breakdown of this track makes my heart beat with the rhythm, just as her love made me rethink life and accept a better future with her.
"Green Lights," Aloe Blacc When you are in love, the world knows. Something as simple as driving to see her became the most beautiful adventure of the day. Something special definitely happened the day we talked for hours until the sunrise, which ended with the most delicate and precious of kisses. I miss her so much.
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"Amarga Navidad," José Alfredo Jiménez The translation of the title is "Sour Christmas." José Alfredo is one of Mexico's most prolific composers and singers, and on this holiday standard he croons about ending a bad relationship and starting the new year fresh. I'm sure she is hoping for the same.
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"In Spite of Ourselves," John Prine feat. Iris DeMent I stumbled upon this cute little duet when listening to random country songs one summer evening. I immediately shared it with her. I'm not perfect, but she loved me anyway. Against all odds, we were the big door prize.
"You Are the Best Thing," Ray LaMontagne She was the best thing, and I blew it. She gave me more chances that I deserved, and I didn't take advantage. Stupid boy.
"Slow It Down b/w Step Aside," the Suffers One of our first dates was to see the Suffers. I don't think she can go a day without hearing these two tracks. Neither can I. Hopefully one day our lives can be united again to enjoy smiling faces and beautiful places.
I can never apologize enough for hurting her. I love her very much, but she has made up her mind. All I can do now is ask for forgiveness and pray for a Christmas miracle.
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