This past weekend, not only did the Texans roll to yet another improbable win over the Atlanta Falcons, they seemed to find a battle cry in the song "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine. The song was played over and over inside Reliant Stadium and seemed to fire up linebacker Connor Barwin in particular, who suggested the nickname for the team's number one ranked defense and has been hashtagging tweets with #BullsonParade.
It's damn clever and we approve of the RATM tune, but it got us to thinking that maybe certain players should have some appropriate songs specifically for them, like what baseball players get when they come to the plate. While it would be easy to go through the typical modern rock, hip hop and metal stuff that permeates most arenas, we decided to go classic... more specifically, classic rock. Here's our list.
Arian Foster - "The Road to Shamballa"
Foster has become well known for not only his signature "namaste" bow in the end zone, but his oddly quaint bow tie and philosophical interviews. Three Dog Night's ode to Buddhism seemed appropriate.
Brooks Reed - "No Quarter"
Look, the dude looks like a viking and nobody sung about vikings like Led Zeppelin, plus, we doubt Reed gives any quarter to opposing offensive linemen.
Owen Daniels - "Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker)"
He breaks the hearts of defenses with third down conversions and the hearts of ladies with his looks... or so we've been told.
JJ Watt - "Iron Man"
Dude is huge and built like a frigging tank... or an iron man, if you will.
Jonathan Joseph - "One Way Out"
When it comes to wide receivers, there's only one through the secondary and it ain't on J-Joe's side.
Ben Tate - "Run Like Hell"
Exactly what Tate does.
Connor Barwin - "Lights Out"
When he gets into the backfield, it's lights out for the quarterback.
Andre Johnson - "The Waiting"
For one of the greatest receivers in the game, this year has been more about waiting than about playing, unfortunately.
Brian Cushing - "If You Want Blood (You Got It)"
Cushing's nose is permanently bloody thanks to his decision to head butt a guy's helmet after removing his own. He's a beast and so is AC/DC.
TJ Yates - "Who Are You"
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Team - "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide"
Eventually, the rest of the country is going to figure out what we know. Much like ZZ Top, the Texans are bad, they're nationwide.