Update: Clint Black's show has been rescheduled to Sunday, December 5. Winner: Tax the Wolf!
God, Clint Black's lyrics are fucking terrible.
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight a battle will be waged for your musical souls. In this corner, in the hat and shiny shoes, is Clint Black, bringing with him all the simple, inoffensive country music you can stomach at the Arena Theater.
And in this corner, weighing in at 98 lbs. soaking wet tied to a brick, but with tit-rocking spacey experimentation that is sure to leave the newly renovated Fitz's looking like the unrenovated Fitz's, TAX THE WOLF!
Cue the entrance music... this is Cage Match!
RO: We're here with Mario Rodriguez of Tax the Wolf. Mr. Rodriguez, as one of Houston's best progressive bands, why should the city come to see you, The Manichean and Sideshow Tramps at Fitzgerald's tonight?
MR: We consider Tax the Wolf a best-kept secret in this small town of Houston, and we are having a static time being here. We're not sure where we will be in the next year but we do have big plans in the works and difficult goals that we will reach. Tax the Wolf is definitely a statement and we are here to entertain this city with a rich blend of weird compositions made to trigger your visual state through our lyrics and melodies.
This band is yours and you should not let it go away without giving it an opportunity or shining your light on it.
RO: But Clint Black is a veteran performer, a senior statesman of music! Doesn't that worry you?
MR: We are the young band that is exploding onto your music scene. In the past couple of months we have had the pleasure of playing bigger shows and festivals (Free Press Summerfest 2010, Ghoulsfest 2010, Oct.30) releasing our first album and being named by YOU as "Best Progressive Rock."
We take pride in what we do for you and have invested everything revolving our lives to continue this journey.
So as opposed to going to the same old inflated, crowded, obnoxious rock star gig that may leave you feeling no better than you did before you got there then why not come to Fitzgerald's and experience Tax the Wolf, a vibrant, new, exploding, good-looking fucking band that can promise you an amazing time?
Just save your money this Friday, don't give it to Live Nation, Ticketmaster or the overly priced movie theaters and grab a bike, catch a bus, hitch a ride or drive to our show because we need you and want to inspire you.
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RO: Impressive words, Mr. Rodriguez. And what response do you have, Mr. Black?
Clint Black (from "One Emotion"): One emotion's got a hold of you and me...
RO: Fear, Mr. Black. It's fear.
Jef With One F is the author of The Bible Spelled Backwards Does Not Change the Fact That You Cannot Kill David Arquette and Other Things I Learned In the Black Math Experiment, available now.