Ladies and gentlemen, this weekend a battle will be waged for your very musical soul. In this corner, weighing about as much as three small ponies, wearing black, but not in that cool way, the band that made emo what it is today, My Chemical Romance.
And in this corner... Headed by our own guitar rock hero Joel D. Holyle, the head of Four Letter Music. Currently releasing the split single Get Your Sh*t Together Vol. 1 with Dead Mineral they bring all that is good and unholy into what remains of rock and roll, Fired for Walking.
Cue the entrance music... this is the Cage Match!
Rocks Off: Mr. Hoyle, can you tell the millions of Houstonians reading this blog exactly why they should spend their hard-earned recession dollars coming to see Fired for Walking instead of My Chemical Romance?
Joel D. Hoyle: I'll tell you one thing With One F, not only should the people come see Fired for Walking, but those whiney, sugar-britches boys in My Chemical Romance better cancel their gig and come learn how to reaaaally rock! Come see Fired for Walking, we'll give them a personal lesson they won't ever forget! Whoooooa!"
RO: What could someone like you teach My Chemical Romance?
JH: First off, stop crying, it makes kids sad. If you have a suicide prevention phone number on your website, you're doing something wrong.
RO: But Mr. Hoyle, aren't you concerned that this angry rhetoric might push the band over the edge into self-harm?
JH: Everyone needs to learn how to take an ass-whoopin'. That's lesson No. 2.
RO: What's the third lesson?
JD: How do you know there's a third lesson?
RO: There's always a third lesson.
JD: The third lesson is May 20 is the last day before Armageddon. Prepare for it by drinking a free keg of Lone Star at our show. We'll even throw in a free record. $5 is all you need to get in.
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RO: And My Chemical Romance. Do you have a rebuttal?
My Chemical Romance (from "Cemetery Drive"): "If you want I'll keep on crying. Did you get what you deserve? Is this what you always want me for?"
RO: Anyone got that hotline number handy? We feel a strange desire to eat a gun barrel right now.