Celebrity Wedding Present

ith Coldplay hitting town, Chatter got to thinking about front man Chris Martin and his wife, actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Given each spouse's considerable success, who really wears the pants in that marriage — and a few others?

Coldplay/Gwyneth Paltrow: Coldplay has won four Grammys, including 2004 Record of the Year for "Clocks." Not content with mere critical success, the band has also sold more than 40 million albums worldwide.

Paltrow won a Best Actress Oscar in 1999 for her role in Shakespeare in Love, the last of a quick triumvirate of movies featuring her British accent — thus leading to the popular opinion that Paltrow is, in fact, British. Marrying Martin only confirmed this. Since this momentous win, though, she's done almost nothing but frightening critical and commercial duds until this year's Iron Man.

Winner: Martin sits at the head of this table. That's what happens when you're one of the most popular musicians in the world and your wife plays a superhero's sidekick with approximately ten lines.

Seal/Heidi Klum: Seal can't exactly be called a one-hit wonder, but we dare you to name a hit of his other than Grammy-award-winning "Kiss from a Rose" — a chart-topping single that achieved international fame thanks to its role in 1995's atrocious Batman Forever. We're still trying to figure out what else made it onto his 2004 greatest hits album.

Aside from being one of the world's most famous — not to mention successful — supermodels and, at 35 with three kids, still a prominent Victoria's Secret model, Klum hosts Project Runway, one of the most successful reality shows on TV. Her tagline, "You're either in, or you're out," is repeated by women and gay men around the world.

Winner: Seal, hands down. No matter how successful his wife ends up, nothing she does will ever trump the fact that he gets to go to bed with one of the most beautiful people in the world every night.

Madonna/Guy Ritchie: The Queen of Pop has sold more than 200 million albums, has a net worth of close to half a billion dollars and has set more trends than all of her peers combined. Sure, she might have starred in some of the worst movies ever made, but did we mention she's worth half a billion friggin' dollars?

Ritchie, meanwhile, has directed three Brit gangster movies that no one can tell apart — RockNRolla being the latest — the pretty awful Revolver and one of the five worst movies of the new millennium: Swept Away...starring Madonna.

Winner: Madonna is finally divorcing the hack after almost eight years of him always standing two feet behind her, so who do you think?


Sunday brings an autumn cornucopia of benefits. Shake Russell and Sisters Morales are among those lending a hand to Wrecks Bell and his devastated Old Quarter Acoustic Cafe at Dan Electro's Guitar Bar (1031 E. 24th St.)...Rising Austin roots-pop band nelo plays a fund-raiser for Teens for Texas' Hurricane Ike Disaster Fund at Verizon Wireless Theater. Tickets are $25...Continuing the Sgt. Pepper's tradition, more than 50 local musicians will perform the Beatles' The Beatles — a.k.a. the White Album — at the Rice Lofts' Crystal Ballroom. See www.lovestreetlightcircus.org for details...Texas Johnny Brown, the Mighty Orq and Sonny Boy Terry are among the performers at the all-day "Blues for Food" benefit at Shakespeare's Pub (14129 Memorial). Admission is either as many nonperishable food items as you can carry or a cash donation.


Top Sellers

Sig's Lagoon
3710 Main, 713-533-9525

1.  Various Artists, The Sound of Sound: A Luaka Bop Sampler

2.  Menahan Street Band, Make the Street by Walking

3.  Soul Jazz Presents New Orleans Funk

4.  James Hand, Shadows Where the Magic Was

5.  Barbara Lynn, The Jamie Singles Collection

6.  Various Artists, Best of Blaxploitation

7.  Iguanas, If You Should Ever Fall on Hard Times

8.  Juaneco y su Combo, Masters of Chicha Vol. 1

9.  Hot Club of Cowtown, Best of

10.  Kings of Leon, Only by the Night


Reach Out in the Darkness

KPFT (90.1 FM), Tuesdays 11 p.m.-2 a.m.
Selections from DJ the Vinyl Avenger's November 4 playlist

1. The Black Velvet Band, "When Justice Came"

2. Dixie Dregs, "Perpetual Reality"

3. U2, "One Tree Hill"

4. Mothers of Invention, "Montana"

5. Rolling Stones, "Rock and a Hard Place"

6. The Pandoras, "Stop Pretending"

7. The Turtles, "You Showed Me"

8. 13th Floor Elevators, "Slip Inside This House"

9. Rory Gallagher, "Public Enemy Number 1"

10. Velvet Revolver, "Fall to Pieces"

(lists compiled by Chris Gray)

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Cole Haddon