Each Wednesday (almost), Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group "Artist of the Week," bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn't awful? Email their particulars to firstname.lastname@example.org.
It has gotten dark. The shadows are alive. Worms are eating your balls off.
The newest (deadliest) member of the Artist of the Week clan: Monster rock demidevils and local bizarro iconoclasts, Cop Warmth.
There is no pretty dance to do before a CW interview. There is no way to church it up. It'd be like brushing Michael Myers' hair. What follows is a choppy, occasionally incoherent, beautiful mess.
Read it. Buy their music. Do not murder anyone.
Rocks Off: Tell everyone everything they need to know about Cop Warmth in exactly six words.
Craig: Fun. Hate. Beer. Fuck off. Die.
Mark: Wardenclyffe. Aural-rape. Irrefutable. HTX. Warmth family.
Dan: Party. Hate. Warmth. Anti-matter. Houston party.
RO: Now, tell everyone everything they need to know not to die at a Cop Warmth show in exactly six words.
Craig: Have fun, don't be a dick.
Mark: Stand close but don't stand still.
Dan: Give us all of your beer.
RO: That song "Die Slow/Constantly Pregnant," can you explain... um... pretty much everything? Why is the title the title? Why does it make me want to hold my brains in my hands and just squeeze them as hard as I can? Is it true the Devil wanted to use it as his entrance music for his UFC debut match, but he backed out at the last second because it was, according to him, "Just a little too scary"?
Mark: It seems you've answered most of the questions yourself. Thinking seems to be painful to most. Sure, and then he went back down to Georgia. I rewrote "Constantly Pregnant"; think about the situation and then a plausible solution, but much more intense.
Dan: I wrote lyrics for [Rusted Shut's] Don Walsh to sing for "Die Slow," but he never did. Bryan Jackson originally came up with the lyrics and name for "Constantly Pregnant," but I'm not sure what they are on record.
RO: Did you know that when people search for you all on Google, the first thing that comes up is a link to your MySpace page? Also, did you know that it's not 2004?
Craig: You will add us on MySpace and like it.
Mark: Let Google know, I don't control the internet. You fix it. My hands are full.
Dan: Probably not.
RO: If you could only listen to one Journey song for the rest of time, which one would it be?
Craig: "Separate Ways."
Mark: Same. Can I just laugh at the video on mute? Do they even have other songs? "Substitute"?
Dan: What's the one where they're playing keyboard on the walls?
RO: Oh, hey, what ever ended up happening to the Centaur Cop Top from the cover of that album? Did you all put him out to pasture? Are there other service-oriented centaurs that will make cameos in the future? Firefighter Centaur, perhaps?
Craig: Hell be coming back from the pasture on a new/old LP within the next few months.
Mark: He is returning from another life because, after all, everyone comes back to Houston. Love/Hate.
Dan: In my fantasy world, all cop like things are dead and on fire.
RO: What's the one thing you want to make sure is known about Cop Warmth?
Craig: As our reputation has shown, we don't fucking care if you love or hate us.
Mark: We're out for blood....and beer; absolutely relentless.
Dan: Mayan Mind Power.
RO: Anything else you want to make sure gets mentioned? Now's the time to do it.
Craig: Buy us a van.
Mark: If you won't do that, at least come to our Record Release for our 7" on In The Red, Saturday October 15 with White Crime, Papaya, Rapeworm, and Coxcombs at Mango's. It's five bucks. Fuck you if you don't!
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Dan: AGUANTE, B L A C K I E, GUERRILLA WARFARE.
Buy Cop Warmth's music here. Also, buy them a van.