Dancing With The Stars: Ready... Aim... Fire!

As someone who is both left-handed and left-footed, and has carried a bizarre taffeta-related phobia with us since childhood, Rocks Off generally goes out of our way to avoid Dancing With the Stars at all costs. Occasionally this can be somewhat problematic, because the regulars at our after-work watering hole of choice, Warren's Inn, follow the ABC hit series with a passion that makes Texas A&M's 12th Man throng look like fair-weather Texans fans.

And so it came to pass that Tuesday night Rocks Off found ourselves at Warren's, nursing a few longnecks while the rest of the bar was glued to the next-to-last DWTS elimination show. As hard as we were trying to concentrate on reading the latest Spin magazine, we couldn't help but notice the gasp that went up from the bar when Moesha Brandy and her partner were eliminated instead of Bristol Palin, whose suspect dancing ability and suspicious longevity have raised eyebrows all season long.

Still, Rocks Off can only imagine the reaction at Warren's was nothing compared to what one Steven Cowan's would have been, had he not already been in jail.

According to a report on The Smoking Gun today, Cowan was watching Monday's episode of Dancing at his home in Vermont, Wisc. with his wife, Janis. When Palin's turn to dance came around, Cowan got a little upset.

An affidavit filed by Dane County Sheriff's Department Linda Pederson Honer states that Janis Cowan told her that the couple ate supper Monday night around 6:30 p.m., when Steven arrived home from a bar in nearby Mount Horeb. He had another beer with dinner, and the couple settled in to watch Dancing With the Stars at 7 p.m. And then...

"Janice estimated that at approximately 7:30 p.m., Sarah Palin's daughter was dancing. Steven jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, "The fucking politics." Steven was upset that a political figure's daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think she was a good dancer. Steven therefore left the living room and went upstairs, where his bedroom is located. Janis assumed her husband went to bed to read a book. He was gone for about 20 minutes.

He was not reading a book upstairs, it turned out.

"Janice reported that Steven suddenly appeared in the living room and was "raging." Steven yelled at Janice and asked for his pistols. Janice said that about a month ago, their daughter Stephanie took possession of at least two handguns for safety reasons. Janice said that Steven began screaming at her, demanding she get the guns.

"Steven had a single-shot shotgun in his possession as he entered the living room. He 'slapped' some bullets down onto a TV tray and loaded a round of ammunition in to the shotgun. Steven then turned toward the television and fired a round into the television screen. Steven continued to yell at Janice, demanding that she get his handguns. Stevens face was bright red, and Janice said something to the effect of, "He scared the [bejesus] out of me."

Linda Cowan told all this to Deputy Pederson Honer because after Steven shot out the TV, he reloaded the shotgun and pointed it at her. Once again he told her to go get the handguns, and she got her purse. Instead of going to her daughter's, though, she went to the police station.

After she told her story, what sounds like half of the law enforcement personnel in suburban Madison descended on the Cowan homestead: a Tactical Response Team, K9 unit, Hostage Negotiation Team and Explosive Ordinance Demolition. Fifteen hours later, Cowan surrendered and was taken into custody for disorderly conduct and "weapons charges."

There are no televisions in the Dane County Jail. Read the full affidavit here.

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