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Decoding Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's Brilliant, Dumb "Holy Grail" Video

Jay Z albums are events, mainly because Jay Z declares them to be events and he has a lot of money. In keeping with that, we recently saw the release of his music video for the sort-of-title track of Hova's latest record Magna Carta Holy Grail, Holy Grail, and it is some sort of action-movie train-wreck monstrosity. Also, I love it.

I loved the original track by itself the second I started the album and heard Justin Timberlake's ridiculously melodramatic chorus, which precedes Jay Z's appearance by more than a minute. When Jay finally comes in, it's on like a Michael Bay film. This thing is like Transformers set to music. It's so dumb, but so satisfying, like candy and cake.

The video is no exception. Here's why.

20. Open with the most non-committal gesturing.

19. And then chill in front of the TV for a while.

18. Fooled you! He's actually on the TV too!

17. Alfred? What are you doing here?

16. That snake will never appear again.

15. All this slow-motion is giving Jay Z a headache.

14. Wait, where's JT? Oh shit, there he is.

13. These sheets are sort of like nets in old cartoons. They're impenetrable.

12. And don't look to Justin for help.

11. He's got a burnt Thanksgiving dinner to eat.

Watch Hova and JT burn through more money on the next page.

10. A slow-motion "uh uh" from Jay Z and we're back.

9. And here's some chicks making out for no reason.

8. "So this is what molly is like." (Just kidding. He only rocks Tom Ford.)

7. All right, now break it down.

6. Probably not the face I'd want to make when talking about Michael Jackson.

5. And for some reason JT is standing in flames now.

4. Justin, what did I tell you about practicing alchemy on cars?

3. Hov, I don't think that's the proper way to store your wine collection...

2. They're shootin'! Aw, made you look. They're just statues.

1. "How much money did this cost again?"

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