[Update: Now with the Loco Gringos' "Nurture My Pig" and Houston's own Flying Fish Sailors' "Flu Pandemic."]

April is almost over and we're coming into Sweeps Week, when commercial sponsors look at TV ratings to decide where they're going to advertise, and you know what that means: time for another media-generated mass panic.

This time they've taken a cue from 1976 and the boys from Fort Dix - now tell me that unintentional rhyme ain't a Kinky Friedman song waiting to happen - and are providing non-stop, white-knuckle coverage of the dreaded swine flu, which, according to the World Health Organization, has killed all of seven people.

Even if the previous reports of 150 dead are true, that's still only as many people as died last year from swallowing toothpicks. But you know those mainstream press folks: they love a good crisis, even if they have to invent it themselves.

Well, we at Rocks Off are already pretty tired of the hype. Call us crazy, but between the world economy circling the bowl, North Korea testing its brand-new nuclear missile system and Creed reuniting, we think there are bigger and better things to spiral into panicked hysteria over. So just sit back, relax, cuddle up with your favorite shotgun, and enjoy our pig-related playlist.

Pink Floyd, "Pigs": Of course there's not a subject in the world Pink Floyd can't frame into a 10-minute song. Feel free to catch up on your Tivo'ed episodes of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, read a book or two or take a weekend camping trip during the Vocoder solo.

Suicidal Tendencies, "Fascist Pig": "I want to be a fascist pig!" they proclaim. As with any hardcore punk band, we're only partially sure they're being facetious.

The Beatles, "Piggies": Leave it to the post-LSD Beatles to make a charming chamber-pop ditty out of a song that ends with cannibalism.

Black Sabbath, "War Pigs": One of the all-time great anti-war anthems. Know who does a great version of this? Faith No More. If you said the Flaming Lips, please burn all those copies of Blender you have lying around.

Sebadoh, "Freed Pig": Rumor has it this is basically Lou Barlow's apology to J Mascis, but who really knows? Either way, it was suggested via @sometourist on Twitter, and makes a welcome addition to the list.

Nine Inch Nails, "March of the Pigs": It was actually kind of a tough call between this and "Piggy," but in the end we had to go with the one that actually used to cause spontaneous moshing in the halls of our high school. Well, it was the mid-nineties and we needed an outlet.

Bonus: if you're told you take things way too seriously and rarely laugh at abject silliness, under no circumstances should you watch this video.

Ministry, "Filth Pig": Ah, the glorious cacophony of Ministry. Although probably not as cacophonous as when Al Jourgensen (along with Gibby Haynes) blew up his tour bus, this song is still plenty loud. It also wins the award for "Most Out-of-Nowhere Harmonica Solo."

Loco Gringos, "Nurture My Pig": Dallas' Loco Gringos cooked up a barroom sing-a-long favorite, which Deep Ellum brethren the Rev. Horton Heat covered on the amazing The Full-Custom Gospel Sounds... With so many literary metaphors of oppression and greed on this list, we thought it would be nice to throw in a good old-fashioned dick joke.