Don't Start A Band, Unless You Can Sleep Through Hours Of Pointless Arguing

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First and foremost, before we upset our fellow musicians, let's make one thing clear in case you didn't pick up on it from the last "Don't Start A Band" blog: We're all idiots. That includes us. If you have chosen to pursue the dream of rock stardom or, like us, just want to make good music for yourself and a few others to enjoy, you're fighting an uphill battle. Sorry if it upsets you, but it's true. The likelihood of becoming famous and/or making enough money off of your music to live a nice life is near impossible. It's like going to college and majoring in communication... Wait, we're doing that, too. Oh well. So let's focus on our idiocy, and if you guys e-mail us, next time we can talk about yours. Our band is composed of four members: a drummer, a guitarist, a bassist and Rocks Off on lead vocals. Our drummer and guitarist also sing backup vocals to make up for the occasional failings in our voice. That and three-part harmonies are just awesome. Don't believe us? Here's proof. (We're no Queen, obviously, but we do our best.) When we do practice, which isn't nearly often enough, we either rush through our set, because one of us has somewhere we have to be soon, or we have a band meeting of sorts. The band meetings usually go something like this:

Drummer (as we're writing music): "This is the natural progression of the song, so next we should..." Guitarist (with a big grin on his face): "Yeah... but that's what people will be expecting, so we should do the opposite and surprise them."

Then those two argue for an hour or so while we sleep. We would chime in, but since we don't play any instruments, we're the Rodney Dangerfield of the band, garnering absolutely no respect. Our bass player, who usually serves as the tiebreaker, chimes in and suggests we add a lot of distortion and a few notes of dischord. Wow. That was productive. And of course, since this is a regular occurrence, our bass player, being the politician that he is, uses his swing vote to please whichever of his two constituents has pleased him the most as of late. He's also the only one in the band with a stable job, and he funds the thing. So his vote kind of matters. A lot. After extensive arguing and no outcome reached, one of us will have to go to work, and we leave having practiced only two or three songs. Then we all point fingers at one another as the reason nothing got done. We're all friends, too, and on the days that we don't want to be, we still have to play nice with one another. We all have the same mutual friends and relax at the same places, so going out for a beer after practice and venting a little about [insert band member's name here] is almost never an option. Instead, our poor girlfriend gets the brunt of it, and we appreciate it even though we're sure she's sick of hearing about it all the time. But for all the arguing (never mind all the hours spent writing, crafting, perfecting and honing), we're usually pretty pleased with the outcome. And hey, we just finished our first album. Now all we've got to do is mix it and send it off to be mastered... but we'll just have to see how long that process takes.

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