7. Dolly Parton & Sylvester Stallone, "Sweet Lovin' Friends": This duet was recorded for Sly and Dolly's 1984 comedy Rhinestone. It was nominated for "Worst Original Song" at the Razzies that year, but came in runner-up to another song from the film's soundtrack, Stallone's "Drinkenstein." Guess what? He can't sing. Do yourself a favor and put that one in the "skip" category next to Rocky V.
Oh, and skip this one, too -- it sucks.
6. Kelly & Ozzy Osbourne, "Changes": Kelly Osbourne became famous on a reality show, so naturally she had to record an album. Oddly enough, no one wanted to buy it, so somebody had the completely non-obvious idea of having her duet with her rock-icon dad on a rehash of one of his old hits.
Trouble is, "Changes" was a pretty insufferable song even back when Black Sabbath recorded it. It's a power ballad with no power. Kelly, for her part, actually manages to sing worse than her father. The silly altered lyrics ("I love you daddy / But I found my way") didn't help.
Who exactly was supposed to like this song? Teenaged girls? Classic-rock fans? People that watched The Osbournes? Yes, apparently they were all supposed to like this song. But they didn't, because it isn't any good.
5. Aerosmith, N'Sync & Britney Spears, "Walk This Way": Okay, strictly speaking, this isn't a duet, but we're willing to bend the rules to accommodate its offensiveness. The Super Bowl is always a crapshoot as far as the halftime entertainment goes; in 2001, organizers threw up their hands and called everybody they could think of, culminating in this giant free-for-all on Aerosmith's "Walk This Way."
Not invited? Run-DMC. Instead, we get Britney Spears and N'Sync trading verses with a wildly mugging Stephen Tyler. I've heard that their participation spontaneously burned out all remaining 8-track copies of Toys in the Attic, but that's anecdotal. Mary J. Blige also shows up to do basically nothing and Nelly throws in a rap while 100 people run all over the stage. At least there were fireworks.
4. Celine Dion & Anastacia, "You Shook Me All Night Long": You know what really empowers women? Belting out one of the most gleefully sexist songs in rock history! That was apparently the thinking behind this crime against decency from VH1's 2002 Divas Las Vegas special.
The result was embarrassing on a couple of different levels. "You Shook Me All Night Long" is a swollen hard-on translated into the auditory spectrum, yet the mere presence of Celine Dion effortlessly strips the song of its considerable rock and roll mojo. Hearing her swoon about a guy knockin' her out with his American thighs is a little much to take.
Not sure what ever happened to Anastacia, but if I had to guess, she's off doing sit-ups somewhere.
