Not only is tomorrow the day before Black Friday, the retail apocalypse, it’s also the 44th anniversary of JFK’s assassination. Yes, it was November 22, 1963, a sunny day in Dallas, when about a million conspiracy theories were born. Some involve the Mafia, the Cubans, the Russians, the military-industrial complex (my personal favorite) and aliens from the planet Tremulon using ray guns, ice bullets and Secret Service operatives to bring down Camelot.
All of us crackpots honor this day in different ways. I myself am forgoing the warm comfort of a family meal on Thursday to argue with bunch of old men on the Grassy Knoll. This will be my third straight trip.
A few months back I found this MySpace profile. It’s a guy from Italy who actually resembles Lee Harvey Oswald. Dario Licciardi records ambient tracks that he sets to footage shot on the day of the assassination. He seems like a cool dude. We should all chip in for him to come to Texas sometime so he can visit Dealey Plaza, sort of like a batshit loonball exchange program.
But we gotta make sure he stays away from our chicks. I’ve seen The Lizzie McGuire Movie enough times to know that women are no match for suave Italians with scooters and Lira to burn. Damn you, Paolo. Damn you to hell.
Here’s one of his videos. And remember, it wasn’t Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone that day. It was a triangular shooting, with three separate shooters. The assassination was engineered by the military-industrial complex to keep us in Vietnam, for war profiteers. – Craig Hlavaty
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.