Today, as the world celebrates Elvis Aaron Presley’s death, I sit here wondering exactly why we are eulogizing someone who rightfully should have passed away after his 1968 comeback special. Those ’68 clips really remind you how captivating and sexual he was. Maybe if he would have died earlier, we wouldn’t have to deal with all these tired-ass “impersonators
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” and gruesome commemorative china on your Grandma’s walls.
It’s heartbreaking that we almost forget those times in the ‘50s when he was young people’s main weapon against conformity and boredom because 20 years later he was the personification of a tawdry, bloated nation. Had he kicked earlier, he might have joined the ranks of Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix, but fate decided he should stick around and die obese on a toilet, instead of overdosing on heroin he just snorted off Ann-Margaret’s ass, like we all wish we could do.
Maybe the real tragedy isn’t that Elvis is dead; it’s that he stuck around too long. – Craig Hlavaty