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Keep Houston Press Free
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Drenched In Blog: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

On Friday, we found that Morrissey declined a multimillion dollar proposal for a Smiths reunion tour. $75 million, which is a lot of multis. If someone came up to you and said, “Hey, I’m offering you $75 million to hang out with some people you hated in high school,” what would you do? I would do what Steven Morrissey didn’t do: swallow my pride and take the cash.

Why? Because I’m a whore, that’s why. Plus, it’s SEVENTY-FIVE MILLION GODDAMN DOLLARS.

I like the Smiths. They are that one band that I sing along to on long road trips, but at parties I act like they suck and ask for some Motorhead. I know that the Moz, Johnny Marr and the rest aren’t the best of friends, what with the lawsuits and such. But sometimes I think in this life, you have to take a long look and realize that you would be doing the world a service by reuniting.

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For the greater good of mopey and fey humanity everywhere, if David Lee Roth can (hopefully) tour with Eddie Van Halen, I’m sure the Smiths can temporarily resolve their issues. Separate tour buses, dressing rooms, some “don’t look at me” clauses, then maybe people will stop throwing flowers at me when I walk out my front door because I look so much like Morrissey.

No Smiths videos today. That’s what you’re expecting, huh? I’m the Walter Payton of video posts, sucka. – Craig Hlavaty

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