Seeing how it’s National Coming Out Day, we all know the world is getting more extraordinarily fabulous as we speak. All across America, teen boys are turning offHigh School Musical
and turning towards Dad, starting awkward conversations that begin “Well, here goes nothing…” Perhaps a few ladies out there are bringing that special girl from the softball team home to meet the parents. I mean, in the ‘50s they still had this day, except it was called “We’re Taking You to Shock Therapy Tomorrow Day.”
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As long as we’re all telling secrets like we’re sitting around the campfire from “Are You Afraid of the Dark?,” here goes nothing. Mom, Dad, dear readers…
When I’m working out the gym, I sometimes listen to the Smiths. Yeah, while I’m pounding my biceps and busting my quads, I’m totally jamming to “Cemetery Gates.” I once was benching what little weight I can while “Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” wafted softly from my iPod. Lyrically, it’s actually a pretty dead-on commentary of everyone I see at the gym. While all the other bros are all up inside the new Velvet Revolver and whatever is passing for Alice in Chains these days, this homeboy is humming “Girlfriend in a Coma” as he throws around a medicine ball.
There. Now where’s my damn parade? Huh? Huh? Yo dude, you using that machine? Cool, thanks. – Craig Hlavaty