Drenched In Blog: Somebody Help Bob Goulet

I wish that when cool celebrities were sick or needed transplants, we the public could nominate banal and vapid celebrities as donors. Like when Joe Strummer died, couldn’t we have traded him for Scott Stapp? I would’ve gladly traded Chad Kroeger for 40 more fabulous years of Dimebag Darrell playing “Walk” for rednecks, strippers and redneck strippers.

Robert Goulet is currently lying in a Los Angeles hospital, sedated and in dire need of a lung transplant. True, he’s 73 years old and spent over three-quarters of that playing in the ashtrays of Las Vegas. You don’t need to be a rocket surgeon to know that lung problems may come up sometime. My point is, Goulet is one of the good guys. He never ran over anyone in his SUV or got a hummer from a tranny while his wife sat home. His music isn’t the best, but at least he had a swagger. And that ‘stache. Why can’t we just rip out the lungs of some of those High School Musical kids? Or some whore-bot from the Pussycat Dolls? Chances are good their lungs don’t look like the inside of a Cold War-era Bulgarian smokestack.

Jesus, what a handsome man! That virile physique and that dreamy accent. I mean, uh, I gotta get back to work selling welding parts and talking about football. And how hot Hayden Panettiere is. Cool it, man, stay cool. No one noticed. – Craig Hlavaty

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