We come to you in humble reverence. We know that we as a city may not be your favorite, what with our crack habits and red-light cameras. We try hard to please you, though. We have an extremely high church-to-citizen ratio, with places of worship on almost every street corner. And we have a smoking ban now, so we are at least attempting to keep our lungs healthy.
Today, we beg of you to please keep Van Halen together until at least January 29, 2008. You see, they hit our town the day before (tickets go on sale 10 a.m. December 1). And we all understand that these guys are implosive and arguably the least tight-knit band around. So, if you see it in your divine right to keep Eddie from strangling Diamond Dave, we promise we will make it up to you. Got anybody who needs taking care of? Anyone hassling you? We can totally “fix” that.
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In closing, we offer to you this clip from Better Off Dead, with a cheeseburger playing guitar. Because we know you like old John Cusack movies.