Hey all you trust-fund hippies, zonked-out hillbillies and confused stoner-rock doods: It’s time to pack up the Mystery Machine (and the bong) for Freedom Fest ’07, starring Willie Nelson, Asleep at the Wheel and Houston’s Carolyn Wonderland.. Yes, tonight in Austin we can all share in our love of roots music and left-handed cigarettes. Huh? Can’t read trizashed? Get a sober pal to sound out the words for you, then get him high.
I’m no anti-drug square. I love taking pills, drinking, huffing VCR head cleaner, etc. I just hate earnest burnouts trying to legalize marijuana with little rock festivals. They get together and tell fantastic tales about a marijuana utopia, where it’s legal to smoke in front of the President. Because it’s cool, he’s toking too! It seems almost as futile as throwing rocks at an F-16 zooming over Baghdad. I see you, Zamin! Tsk-Tsk!
So the NORML people, in collaboration with three other action groups, are throwing Freedom Fest to celebrate the healthful aspects of pot, and its therapeutic qualities for the sick and dying (AIDS, cancer) cannot be denied. I wouldn’t want to spend my last months on Earth as a teetotaling, aching bore. Honestly, it has no reason to be illegal; I just have an aversion to corny weed culture. Every time I got high, all I remember was laughing at every minute of The Shining like it was a Will Ferrell movie. It was the best.
You know what? I’m leaving right now.
Here’s something for all no-job-having, natty-dread freakos. This is what a real pothead looks like. Amateurs. – Craig Hlavaty