Eskabel: Houston Rapper Says You Can't Beat The (Miami) Heat

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The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place -lots of times, you're even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good- so once a week we're going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Have something you always wanted to ask a rapper? Email sheaserrano@gmail.com.

This Week's Rapper: Eskabel

This Week's Subject(s): The NBA Finals, of course

Eskabel, "Nature"

Ask A Rapper: Okay, sir. So we wanted to do an NBA Finals-themed set of questions and we figured that you, who recorded the best basketball-related song of 2010, would be the ideal person to handle them.

First, where do the Miami Heat rate in terms of general hateability? Are they higher than racism? Stubbing your toe? When people say "Get your [something] on"? Trucks that have those balls hanging down off the back? Child predators?

AAR: How many points is Dirk Nowitzki going to average this series?

E: I believe Dirk will average more than 25 points a game and will be a huge problem for Chris Bosh and LeBron James' lack of footwork.

AAR: How many times will LeBron James do something that makes you say, "Jesus friggin' Christ, is this guy really human?"

E: I'm past the point of hyping LeBron James' capability. With the amount of money he earns a year he better be making people question if he's really human, which he is. Dude is a huge talent, as the world knows.

AAR: Will there be a higher number of jokes made about how Chris Bosh looks like a brontosaurus or how he looks like one of the aliens from Avatar?

E [laughs]: I dont see him having a great series; too many bigs in Dallas that will crash down on him.

AAR: Which player from each team who isn't a superstar will have the greatest impact on the series? We'll pretend like Jason Kidd and Jason Terry are superstars for this question.

E: The players from each team that need to have a huge impact are Peja Stojakavic for Dallas [and] Udonis Haslem for Miami.

AAR: Finally, and perhaps most importantly, who wins the series and by how much?

E: Dont have my money on either. I think if Dallas plays good defense, which they've never been known for playing that good, they have a huge chance to beat Miami. If not, it will be a LeBron James/Dwayne Wade victory.

Follow Eskabel on Twitter at @Eskabel. His new album, If You Didn't Know, will be available online soon.

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