Someday, when I'm old and pretty much still a sarcastic short man, I'll explain to my kids why Drake, a guy from Toronto who at every single walking turn gives out praise and love for Houston -- got a day named in his honor. How he came to Houston, threw a free concert, almost got their father killed in the process of said concert and then partied the rest of the weekend like he was George H. W. Bush during his presidency.
"I know I'm not from here but Houston has shown me so much love," he said during the intermission of his charity basketball game, earning sobs from a girl who wanted to invite him to her prom next year. "I love each and every one of you."
Well, that's fine and plenty of people are going to argue why Drake? Why does he get his own day? Pimp C would have never allowed it, and more barbershop fodder that at the end of the day is just noise. But here are a few facts about Houston Appreciation Weekend (and a few myths as well):
FACT: Drake Went 50 Songs Deep For Houston The set list for Friday's show is legendary in its own right. Drake went to bat for every major or near-important record in his catalog with him in the lead role and not an outright feature. The Johnny Manziel lookalike behind me sang "Karaoke" with so much goddamn conviction I thought he was going to cream himself after every note.
FICTION: Everything Was Organized And Ran Smoothly We've already covered my near-death experience Friday at the hands of overzealous Drake fans. We didn't say anything about how a movie premiere scheduled to start at 6 p.m. didn't really start until 8 p.m.; that was expected). But getting to a basketball game that supposedly started at 2 around 2:30 and didn't END until after 6:30 thanks to a 3-point contest, a dunk contest and the first ever alley-oop of a PRAYER before the National Anthem? Plus the game randomly ended after three quarters.
FICTION: People Don't Get Into The Pool at Pool Parties I managed to Saturday's skip the pool party at a private Memorial-area estate due to exhaustion from the previous night. Okay, that was the wimp answer. The MAN answer? I didn't want to show up to a pool party where Johnny Manziel was swigging from an Ace of Spades bottle and Jadeveon Clowney was walking around as if his hernia got touched by Drake and was magically healed. My nerves can't take that pressure.
Also, people actually got into the pool. There's photographic evidence of such. It's a miracle.
FACT: Wade Phillips Came to See Kevin Hart Twitter is awesome. It's the greatest tool God ever gave any jerk with 140 characters to spare, or any lovelorn dude trying to snag a girl via direct message. It also gave me this moment -- a minor 9 second conversation with Wade effin' Phillips.
Phillips was at Saturday's movie premiere for Think Like a Man Too. He'd probably just walked out of 22 Jump Street because that's a man's movie and nobody can resist Ice Cube's scowl. Phillips was also at the Galleria earlier, when Kevin Hart got chased around like he was in One Direction.
Snap a picture; say something funny on Twitter and BAM!
You're wonderful Wade Phillips, never leave my heart please.
FACT: Drake Enters a Room and Instantly Becomes the Most Popular Person There During the premiere, Drake showed up with Hart, who stars in the film. The moment he hit the red carpet, girls turned into teary-eyed mush. The same thing happened on Sunday when, during his walk through the charity basketball game between his OVO Squad and Rap-A-Lot Records, a crowd of people followed him to no end attempting to fight through security to take a picture.
FACT: Drake Stole My Seats at the Movie Premiere Press had assigned seats to the movie, and ours landed somewhere on the same row as Drake's OVO team plus Kevin Hart and co-star Terrence J. By the time we tried to get to our seats, Drake and Hart sat in them. Thus, for a single night, I became Troy Daniels of the Houston Rockets. Sorry Troy, there's always next time.
Story continues on the next page.
FICTION: He Can Play Basketball No guys, that video for "Best I Ever Had" was probably the most accurate description of Drake's life on the court. He switched shoes, gave us all the false hope of him playing in the charity basketball game and then sat next to his OVO squad's assistant coach. That coach? James Harden.
FACT: James Harden and Drake Discuss Defense! The final score of the basketball game didn't matter. Point is, there's an image of James Harden and Drake discussing strategy -- possibly about who is going to guard whom, and what strip club to visit afterwards. Call Kevin McHale, we've finally found someone who can teach James how to at least apply some sort of press!
FACT: Kirko Bangz; M-V-P If the game ended in a score of 50-48, it was because Kirko Bangz didn't play the second half. Well, let's take that back. Kirko played the first two quarters, left after halftime to perform in San Angelo and then returned to have his MVP trophy mailed to him. What did Bangz do? He turned into the tattooed version of Danny Green, hitting three after three and put up 29 points.
That's right, Kirko Bangz, who who gets compared to Drake more than any Houston rapper, outshined everyone at a celebrity basketball game HOSTED by Drake. The universe didn't collapse on itself.
Remember the movie Love & Basketball where Sanaa Lathan is playing Omar Epps for him to admit that he loves her? Kirko had that exact moment, only Omar Epps was Warner Bros and he actually won and it meant his album was finally coming. Play for their heart Kirko, play for their heart.
FICTION: Lil Wayne Attended An HAW Event, Right? Wrong. Friday night at the concert, a few guys walked in through that thick swath of a crowd and staged a protest. "WE'RE DOWN WITH DRAKE, FUCK WAYNE" messages and the sort. Rumors swirled that these guys were with Rap-A-Lot over some beef between Lil Wayne and the Prince family all over Drake's Nothing Was the Same. Wayne freestyled recently about "you need a king, fuck them Princes" about four times straight. He can't come back to Houston until he apologizes.
That rumor hasn't been proven to be true but if it were? It's the most important Houston rap beef since Slim Thug getting told by Z-Ro back in the day that he'd braid his hair (apologies to Mike Jones getting socked in the face by Trae in '08).
FACT: HAW May Happen Again Be fearful or not, but expect the madness to return.
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