It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers.
Soooooo... a while back I delved into the meaning of a metal band called Dying Fetus, an encounter from which I barely escaped alive. Since I have worse pattern recognition than a bank loaning Donald Trump money, I decided it was time to seek out something even more horrifying. Ladies, gentlemen, and other folks that may blur the lines, please meet Fetal Disgorge.
The Phoenix duo of guitarist/vocalist Kenny Palumbo and drummer Trent Helsell makes their dedication to the absolute lowest levels of depravity apparent just by visiting their Facebook page alone.
Even if you're just a curious passer-by on the streets of the mighty Internet you have to gaze upon the visage of a vivisected baby while squinting into their red and black player just to grab a few seconds of songs like "Raped in Fecal Matter."
I find it amusing that all their other songs available for perusal are misspelled... 'cause if you're listening to a band like this and grammar is your only complaint then you might want to have a talk with someone that can prescribe anti-psychotics. Still, if you like it brutal, you'll like Fetal Disgorge.
But that name... Fetal Disgorge? I mean, like I said if you're a band that is going to name a song "Menstral Milkshake" then I'm already questioning your knowledge of female anatomy more complicated than, "Where do I put my penis?"
Still, it's not like you can vomit a baby. Wait, lemme go ask the Internet. I might be wrong.
Oh fuck you, Internet, and your ability to host the madness of all humanity's assorted idiots. You can't vomit a baby, and that's final. Still, I fired an email out of my email gun about the name to Palumbo.
"I believe Trent came up with it in an intoxicated naming session," he says. "Ha ha. We were thinking of the grossest shit and that was the one, vomiting fetuses just make us happy. To us it is exactly how it sounds puking up infants or dead babies, even living ones!
"If you gorge on babies then get sick it would be throwing up babies, right?"
I'm not sure what I was expecting out of this, but at least now I know that the band doesn't think pregnant women can vomit their young... they just think the idea of throwing up a still living, partially consumed infant is funny.
Still, it's my job to go deeper into this bloody mess and ferret out the real meaning of things, Alex Jones-style. I had a hunch about the band name, so I threw it into the Anagaramatomaton I keep in the lab and it spit out... Golf Tragedies.
Now, there are golf tragedies. Bing Crosby ate it from a heart attack after a round of golf, and just this year a 75-year-old man survived being attacked by a damn alligator while playing at the Lake Ashton Golf and Country Club. The nine-foot reptile was hiding in a water hazard, trying to increase the cachet of that term.
Knowing what I learned from the band's demeanor, I was sure Fetal Disgorge would think that story was hilarious, and it made me wonder what other violent, gruesome sports they would enjoy.
"Albino race-hunting seems to get us wet!!" says Palumbo.
Did I look up what that was? You bet your Aunt Peg's adult film career I did.
While a search for that exact term brought up nothing in the Houston Press' extensive archives, there is of course a history of albino persecution throughout history. Albinos as evil, demonlike villains have shown up in The Da Vinci Code, The Matrix Reloaded and even in films that don't completely suck ass.
In East Africa albinos are believed to be magical. At least, their flesh is, and witch doctors are known to kill or desecrate the graves of albinos in order to procure ingredients for magic potions. There's also the idea that it's a contagious curse that must be lynched from existence, so whether they are good lucky or bad lucky is kind of a moot point. In Tanzania it's customary to seal albino graves in cement to prevent robbery.
I started to tell Palumbo that the practice of hunting albinos has been the subject of severe crackdowns in recent years, but then I remembered I was talking to fans of partially digested baby corpses and decided to just go drink myself unconscious instead.
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Fetal Disgorge (n) 1. Throwing up babies in a whimsical manner 2. Brutal metal 3. Dangerous and/or inhumane sports.
Fetal Disgorge plays Saturday, August 4 at Walters with Scattered Remains and Sadistic Butchering.