Houston exists largely as its own market. As such, rappers here tend to not like to -on the record, anyway- rank themselves or their albums or songs against each other or each other's. So we'll do it for them. Email sheaserrano (at) gmail (dot) com.
The Songs: This week, we've got relative newcomer E. Wood's super liberal* interpretation of the Gorillaz's
from 2005's Demon Days taking on "Tonight You're a Star," a blitzy, metallic track from Coast, who has been cultivating a reputation around these parts as one of the city's very best underground rappers.
*Kidding. Wisely, he just rapped over the beat.
Completely Unnecessary Similes For Each: "Dirty Harry" is like a Saturday-night dance skate at the skating rink. Coast's "Tonight You're A Star" is like a strobe light.
Ironic Tie Between The Two Songs: In 2004, the Gorillaz had a talent contest. It was called "Search for a Star." Sure, sure, that's not exactly the same as the title of Coast's song, but it's close enough to count here.
The Better Title: Were it an original, this would've gone to "Dirty Harry." That's just a cool title for a song. But since it's not, Coast earns the "W" here.
The Better Production: Oooh. Hmmm. Well, Coast has never had a song that sounded like this. It's barely even a rap song, really. But it's not so close to any other genre either that you could lump it in somewhere else. So he gets big kudos for that.
But, man, the production on "Dirty Harry" is just about stellar. Still, it's hard to award this category to E. Wood. If anything, we should award it to whomever it was that upped the instrumental of "Dirty Harry" online. Yeah, let's go with that.
The Better Line: "Dirty Harry": "Disrespectful, with no regard for human life like Shaq do."
Anytime you can work in a backwards reference/high-five to Kevin Harlan, perhaps one of the greatest close-game commentators in the history of the NBA, you're going to win this category.
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Read this if you have no idea who Harlan is or how he relates to the quoted line. And read this if you don't know how to make Poblano Shrimp Enchiladas. That doesn't have anything to do with anything right now, but that doesn't make them any less delicious.
If You've Only Got Room On Your iPod For One, Upload: "Dirty Harry."
Wood's "Dirty Harry" was just a little too strong for the effervescent bubbling of "Tonight You're A Star." Of course, if you've already got the original "Dirty Harry" on your iPod, go with that one.
And for certain, give that recipe a look. It's excellent.