Five Artists Motel 6 Would Rather Not Give Free Rooms, Including John Mayer

In a move sure to boost occupancy among skinny jeans-wearing hipsters while simultaneously driving regular families away by the family truckster-load, Motel 6 is running a promotion to give free rooms to up-and-coming bands:

"Here's how it works: Motel 6 will give free rooms to developing bands on the touring circuit. (The cheapo chain has roughly 1,000 properties in every U.S. state save Hawaii.) In exchange, the bands promise to give shout-outs to the chain on their web sites, and even from the concert stage.

"The promo will begin next month with the Massachusetts-based alterna-country band Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers. Other acts on board include the punk-pop band Hit the Lights and the rock act Sparks the Rescue."

All bands currently involved are attached to Primary Wave Music, but the chain is hoping to expand the promotion to bands signed with other labels. It's an ambitious goal, but we hope Motel 6 will show a little discretion in its choices. After all, there are a few artists we bet they'd prefer stay elsewhere...


Amy Winehouse: There's a certain amount of notoriety that comes from having a celebrity die in your hotel; just ask the owners of the Chateau Marmont (John Belushi) or the Chelsea (Dylan Thomas). The problem with Winehouse isn't just that she's a threat to drop dead at almost any time, but that potential guests might be put off by the mere fact that she even stayed there to begin with.

John Mayer: Say what you want about Mayer, he at least seems easygoing enough that it's hard to imagine any destructive shenanigans resulting when he rolls into town to thrill crowds with his distinctive brand of 'blues lite' stylings. That said, the vortex of suck that accompanies Mayer wherever he goes presents the constant danger of creating a singularity that will cause any structure around him to implode.

Chris Brown: Brown's music is generally pretty inoffensive, and he doesn't really attract the kinds of fans who would make problems for hotel security. Really, the only problem Motel 6 might have to address is the possibility he'll start beating the shit out of the housekeeping ladies and then hiding behind his mommy and lawyer when reprimanded for it.

The Jonas Brothers: The glory days of hotel trashing ended started drawing to a close when Led Zeppelin hung up their fishing poles and Keith Moon blew up his last toilet. 1980s stalwarts like Mötley Crüe and Guns N' Roses did their best, but these days we're stuck with the likes of the Jonas boys, who reportedly aren't allowed to return to a certain London hotel because they allegedly broke floorboards while... practicing flips. We guess "epic pillowfight" wouldn't sound as cool on MySpace.

GWAR: Having attended a couple performances by Oderus, Balsac and the crew, we imagine that a few gallons of fluid from the Cuttlefish of Cthulhu (aka lead singer Oderus Urungus' penis) or a nearby decapitated corpse would cause one of those UV scanners they use on Dateline to explode at a molecular level.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar