In a few hours, Carrie Underwood will be onstage at Toyota Center. Besides being an all-around American girl who will mess you up if you cheat on her, Underwood once dated Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and married Mike Fisher of the Ottawa Senators back in July. That's right, a hockey player.
Athletes and musicians have a lot in common. Most of them live hand-to-mouth and ruin their closest personal relationships to do what they love. The successful ones get paid eye-popping amounts of money to do what they love and usually develop massive egos, at which point they ruin their closest personal relationships.
Even so, they don't hook up quite as often as you might think. But there have been a few times...
5. Anna Kournikova & Enrique Iglesias: Yawn. For two such good-looking people, the Russian tennis also-ran/model and second-generation Spanish pop singer, who have been together since 2001, sure are boring. In July, Rocks Off's sister blog in Phoenix, Up On the Sun, speculated that even Iglesias might be getting bored, because his song "I Like It" contains the lyrics "My girlfriend is out of town." That's hardly enough to make us give a shit. Next!
4. David Beckham & Victoria "Posh Spice" Adams: Rocks Off does not care a lick for Posh 'n' Becks, who, now that their careers are as good as over, seem to exist for the sole purpose of keeping several British tabloids in business and squeezing out ridiculously named offspring. We just put them on here so there wouldn't be a bunch of butthurt comments that we left them off. Rocks Off is really, really starting to love that word. Comments.
3. Lance Armstrong & Sheryl Crow: For a couple of years until these two broke off their engagement in February 2006, it was impossible for Rocks Off to go anywhere in Austin (especially a nightclub) without hearing how Armstrong and Crow had been sucking face in the VIP area a few nights before. Or, a few times, were doing it that very night. Never mind the music, at the 2005 Austin City Limits Music Festival, that's about all we heard about. Yuck. We're not saying such egregious PDA behavior is what began Armstrong's slide from the public's good graces - there was that whole doping thing too - but we're not saying it's not, either.
2. Tony Romo & Jessica Simpson: Rocks Off did not pick this couple just to take another needless pot-shot at Dallas. That's what the above bumper sticker is for. On second thought, the Cowboys' starting quarterback's relationship with the "Chicken of the Sea" pop singer/reality-TV star was one long exercise in douchiness. There was the whole "Yoko Romo" thing, when the notoriously douchy Dallas fans blamed Romo's blowing a December 2007 game against division rival Philadelphia on Simpson's presence in the stands.
Then Romo, who is generally much better at golf than keeping the football out of the opposing team's hands, dumped Simpson the night before her 29th birthday last year. Even better, he showed up at the White House Correspondents' Dinner this past May with the girl he dumped her for, former Miss Missouri and Dallas TV personality Candice Crawford. Simpson, who had not yet met current squeeze Eric Johnson - himself a former NFL tight end for the 49ers and Saints - was there stag. God, Dallas sucks.
1. Roger Clemens & Mindy McCready: Whoo boy. This one is like one big white-trash buffet of possible underage sex, erectile dysfunction, subpoenas (no pun intended), sex tapes and extremely shitty pop-country. As the legend goes, the Rocket became smitten with McCready, who scored a few country hits in the mid-to-late '90s with radio pap like "Guys Do it All the Time" and "A Girl's Gotta Do (What a Girl's Gotta Do)," when she was singing karaoke in a Florida bar. And 15 years old.
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When their affair was made public in 2008, some time after McCready scored the pills that led to a few arrests and a stint on VH1's Celebrity Rehab, both sides (through their attorneys) insisted things did not turn physical between the two until several years later. Still... ew.
Things got real trashy, though, when Vivid Video released Mindy McCready: Baseball Mistress earlier this year. On this tape, while McCready and the mysteriously named "Peter" are doing the dirty boogie, she tells him all about how Clemens had trouble serving up the high hard one. (Don't worry, Rocket... guys do it all the time. Or so we hear.)
It seems ED is a rather common side effect of steroid use. Because the former Astro and would-be Hall of Famer was suspected of lying to a Congressional committee in the 2008 Major League Baseball steroid hearings, McCready also had to tell Justice Department investigators all about Rocket's failure to launch. Under oath. (Rocks Off assumes she had her clothes on at the time.) Clemens was indicted for obstruction of Congress, making false statements and perjury back in August. If McCready wasn't such a hack, she could have gotten at least one album's worth of dynamite material out of all this.
Instead... well, hello, Miranda Lambert!