A little while ago, everyone's favorite party guru Andrew WK finally completed his lifelong dream of breaking the world record for Longest Drum Session in a Retail Store. It's an ultra-specific kind of world record, and currently unconfirmed by officiators Guinness, but I know in my heart of hearts that WK did it.
Now that my hero has conquered the "Everest of World Records" as I've just now decided to call it, I decided to look back on some of his peers who have also managed to make their name by becoming Guinness Superstars and breaking world records.
5. Kuzhalmannam Ramakrishnan Never heard of Kuzhalmannam Ramakrishnan? Shame on you. Spend more time in India. Okay, I'll cop to it: I didn't know who he was either until I found out that he broke the world record for Longest Concert by a Solo Artist back in 2009 by performing for 501 hours straight. That's almost 21 days.
I have no idea how he achieved that, but it was apparently verified and confirmed by the Guinness people, so there you go. Now that you know this you can never complain about having to work a little bit late ever again.
4. Miles Davis Here's one more thing not to complain about anymore: what you paid for your favorite band's latest album. Why? Back in 2002, Miles Davis fans flocked to record stores to purchase The Complete Miles Davis at Montreux, a 20-disc box set comprising the entirety of Davis's Montreux Jazz Festival performances between 1973 and 1991.
Somehow they managed to make the set chart on the Billboard jazz charts and set a world record for the Most Expensive Music Chart Entry, because the whole box would set you back a cool $250. And like you needed confirmation, this should serve as sufficient proof that the only people who listen to jazz anymore are officially rich old people.
3. Napalm Death The grindcore OGs brought home the coveted Shortest Song Ever Recorded world record for their "You Suffer," from 1987 debut album Scum.
Described by songwriter Justin Broadrick as "utterly retarded" and "ridiculous, but it was hilarious," "You Suffer" is exactly 1.316 seconds long, which is about a thousandth of the time it took for me to write this paragraph about the song, and for you to read it. Continuing the gall of their trolling, Napalm Death released the song as a 7-inch single in 1989, a novelty single if there ever was one.
2. Fiona Apple Fiona Apple's classic 1999 LP When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right previously held the world record for, shocker here, Longest Album Title.
It has since been beaten by Soulwax and later Chumbawamba (the current record holder), whose titles I will simply decline to type out. Incidentally, while it comes nowhere close to her original record breaker, Apple's latest record is called The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do, you know, just in case you thought she had lost her touch for ridiculously long titles or something.
1. The Flaming Lips Beating a record previously held by Jay-Z, the flying freaks from Oklahoma decided to shatter the record for the Most Live Concerts in 24 Hours last year. To promote Kingdom Come, his un-retiring album, Jigga played seven shows in seven cities in 2006.
Six years later, the Flaming Lips topped him by playing eight shows in eight cities, even bringing along the Guinness people to verify the legitimacy of their claim. They also topped Jay-Z by doing it all on a bus. Jay-Z, of course, traveled between cities by private jet.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.