Five Reasons Your Drummer Hates You

Q: What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common? A: They both suck without Cream.

We all have our favorite drummer jokes. That's probably the best one we have ever heard in our time, because it's actually true.

Drummers don't get enough love as everyone else in a band, considering they are pretty much the backbone of any musical group. They propel everything in a band's sound. True, the lead guitarist is the star and the lead singer can get laid while taking a dump in a truck-stop bathroom, but the drummer has the hardest job.

We talked to a few drummers here in Houston about some of the things that peeve them the most when it comes to gigging and being in a band. One drummer complained about bandmates trying to get him to make the sounds they wanted with such astute musical directions as "explaining what part they think would fit best by going, 'boom, pop, boom, boom, pop... yeah, then do some stuff with the shiny ones.'

On the condition of strict anonymity, they told us about some of their biggest annoyances when it comes to the music scene. It's not surprising that most of the guys and girls had the same grievances welled up from years behind the kit. Also, it was hard to decipher most the responses we received, so riddled with grammatical errors and curse words they were. One drummer sent us his "pit peefz" written out on a soiled children's menu from Denny's. In crayon, no less.

1. You Don't Have Any Rhythm

"You have no rhythm, so don't say 'just follow me'."

"Many self-taught guitarists have no fucking rhythm at all."

"I know I'm a drummer and you play guitar, but I know rhythm, and you're fucking playing that wrong."

"You're just a guy that picked up a guitar and doesn't know music theory."

"Just because you can make a killer drum solo with your mouth noises, does not necessarily mean I can instantly transcribe and recreate it for you during the next run-through of the song."

2. You Never Help Us Set Up Our Gear

"You only take five minutes to set up when I, on the other hand, take 20 minutes."

"I help you lift your 100-pound amp, you can help me with a few of my five-pound drums. If everyone in the band carries two things, I can load in two minutes."

"Drums take a while to set up, let the singer and the bass player, or even better, the keyboard player, deal with the PA."

"Some dudes think that loading in an amp and cab is a lot of shit. Try loading out after a night of drinking and drugging without any help, after everyone else burned off just to get out of helping."

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Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty