Five Spot: Baracking Your Balls Off

Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to [email protected].

Word to your moms, Barack came to drop bombs, suckas. He's President (-elect) and it's brilliant.

Can you believe that shit really happened? You know who can believe it? We can, because we're not some propagating poser schmucks. Look, we get that this is a big deal. We really do. And to hear it from the mouths of those that lived through the Civil Rights Movement, or from those who were genuinely disregarded at some point in their lives for no other reason than because of bigoted beliefs, we can appreciate that.

But when we see all of these young, hippie-yutzes scooting around like, "Oh my word, I thought this would never happen, look how 'in' I am with my multicolored Urban Outfitters Obama shirt," the first thing we want to do is punch them square in their Goddamn heads. You feel the same way too, we're sure of it. Good thing we've got these five Obama videos to calm us down. (Otherwise, we'd mash the shit out of keyboard, most likely.)

1. "Yes We Can": If we ever run for President (which is highly likely), you'd better believe there's no flippin' way we're involving Will.i.am in any way, shape or form. That is, unless we plan on getting retarded at some point, we suppose. (He does look kinda boss in that hat, though. We'll give him that.) Is that Ashley Banks at the 2:57 mark?

2. "I Got a Crush... on Obama": Admit it, this track is banging. And the opening line ("Hey, B, it's me. If you're there pick up.") is inadvertently brilliant.

3. "Obama Is Here": Obama was quick to distance himself from Ludacris' McCain/Hillary dis track, but how dope would it be for him to show up to the inauguration with this as his soundtrack? Or this.

4. Obama Dancing: This is one cool dude, but, please, tell us, who's the thirteen year-old boy he's dancing with?

5. "Personal Jesus": Put to this Depeche Mode track, the images here get creepier and creepier every time we see them. Wouldn't that be crazy if he did turn out to be Jesus? These guys would probably get a ton of traffic. - Shea Serrano

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Shea Serrano