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Five Spot: Eminem Is Clever, But K-Rino Is Just Sick

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Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to introducingliston@gmail.com.

So the expected hip-hop sites recently all went crazy for "Crack A Bottle" (above), an annoyingly catchy Eminem track that's sure to drive everybody with a sense of taste bonkers two days after it hits The Boxx. And while it's cool and all - any time Dr. Dre works his way onto a song it's a noteworthy event, so we'll call it "Brilliant" - we mention it only because it tangentially touches on one of our favorite rappers: K-Rino.

Now, we're well aware that we spend a fair amount of time verbally felating Z-Ro, but K-Rino holds a special spot in our iPod (heart?) as well. For the unaware, K-Rino is Houston's verbose archfiend. He twists and knots bars together with polemic ferocity, birthing some of the genre's most intelligent and primeval wordplays.

He previously launched a half-hearted dis track at Eminem previously that probably did more to unwind his own credibility than Eminem's, but the fact remains that when K-Rino unleashes on a track with all of his might, he possesses the type of layered creativity that should be recognized as genius.

For the court's consideration, we present... 

Exhibit A, "Perpetual Ascension": Rino's all-encompassing war cry from Triple Darkness, It's five minutes of absurdly lurid, deft lyricism. Our favorites here: "Embalm you while you're alive and leave nothing inside of you/ Split you into quintuplets and murder all five of you," and "You didn't see me at all in March because I was waiting for you in April." That's real right there.

Exhibit B, "Word Mastery": "I granulate 'em into powder form when I'm done with 'em/ correspond with warm sunrays and become one with them." Seriously, think about that shit.

Exhibit C, "Scientific": Here he drops, "My words seem to cause internal eczema/ every night I dream of different vindictive anathema," and "The raps I read carry parasitic fleas that borough beneath the flesh of MCs, hatch and rebreed" in the first 50 seconds. Also, we really like "I'm in your medicine cabinet injecting headaches into your aspirin." That's just nifty.

Exhibit D, "Surface Dwellers": This one is too thick to be dissected. It's a history lesson of sorts, explaining, in part, that some months are missing from the calendar or something, and that the word of God has become a theatrical disaster. We tried to write the words down to this song to figure it all out, but then we just threw up all over the place.

Exhibit E, "The One": "I'll focus and fill up your stomach with dead locusts." We have no idea what that even means, but we know it's probably unpleasant and we'd like to leave you to the weekend with that image in your head. - Shea Serrano

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