Screwston, Texas

Five Spot: New Shit From Swishahouse, B L A C K I E, Cham & J-Dawg, Hash Brown And Trae

Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. It's five videos and occasional cussing. Send tips to [email protected].

You know what's a fun game? The game where you try to figure out where the dried pee spot on the carpet is so you can clean it because your two-year-olds take to potty training like Lil' Wayne takes care of his teeth. Do you know how you how you figure out where the pee is? By crawling around on your hands and knees with your nose two inches from the carpet and sniffing while God laughs at you.

What the eff is wrong with toddlers? True story: We're painting the living room a couple weeks ago, right? So there's some plastic laid out on the floor, an eight-foot ladder set up and various other painting equipment. We take our eyes off Boy A for what couldn't have been more than 45 seconds, only to turn around and see him standing on a step at the midpoint of the ladder peeing off of it onto the plastic sheeting.

Two days ago Boy A and Boy B asked if they could go upstairs to find this plastic fish that is the momentary center of their universe. Sure, we said. And be careful. So they head up there together with a very clear, concise mission itinerary laid out before them. Two minutes later we hear them up there giggling like mad, shouting over and over again, "BOOOOOTTTIIIEEEE! BOOOOOTTTIIIIEEEE!"

We go up to find our sons, the seeds of our loins, the two man-cubs tasked with the responsibility of advancing the Serrano name towards and past the doorstep of greatness, naked from the waist down, bent over with the hands on the floor, backing their bare butts into each other again and again.

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Shea Serrano