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Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it's either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to introducingliston@gmail.com.




Growing up there were two things that we prayed nightly for: (1) some sly, sly movie producer to talk Jean Claude Van Damme and Patrick Swayze into teaming up to play disenfranchised full-contact karate fighters/bar backs in what would undoubtedly be the greatest action movie in history, Blood House, and (2) for MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice to forget petty differences and perform a one-night-only show in sleepy Utah. (We're very specific in our prayers.)

You can imagine how pumped we were then when we read Wednesday that the latter was going to come true! We immediately headed over to Youtube to watch the obligatory-if-not-clever "Ice, Ice Baby" and "Can't Touch This" videos. While there, though, we came across the clip from Arsenio Hall's show (Remember him? Triangle-headed fella, dressed like a woman in Coming To America) where he lambasted Ice, accusing him of including Flava Flav in his introduction just to prove that he had black friends. Unforgivably, we had forgotten how good that show was (as did you, we're sure), so we spent the next four or so hours watching various interviews with guests. Enjoy.

Arsenio vs. Vanilla Ice

Man, you wanna talk about being pissed. Ice was a bit of a deity to us growing up, so when we saw Arsenio getting after him here we were boiling. We may or may not have torn a sleeve off of our homemade Play That Funky Music White Boy t-shirt.

Arsenio and Jason

You know a guy is a badass talk show host when he can interview a guy who says nothing for five minutes and still make it funny. (Letterman recently did this same thing with Joaquin Phoenix, who has either gone batshit crazy or is the greatest method actor of our time.)

Arsenio, Michael Jackson, and a slightly smaller Arsenio(?)

Say what you will about the ignorance of any statement claiming that all members of a particular race look alike -it's a completely inane thing to say, we agree- but, c'mon, we couldn't have been the only ones to do a double take here to make sure we knew which guy was Arsenio and which guy was Eddie.

Arsenio and Mary Kate

There's gotta be a point when you're interviewing two six-month-olds(?) (we've always been horrible at guessing kids' ages), when you think, "What the eff, man." Seriously, if we ever have to ask a kid under the age of seven anything besides "Did you lose your mommy?" we will consider our lives to be monumental failures.

Ultimate Warrior

He's very bear-like stalking around the show's set, isn't he? You just have to love the possibility that somebody asked U-Dubb if he had anything appropriate to wear on a talk show and he responded, "Yeah, yeah, no doubt. I literally just got an all white vest and some matching white cowboy boots. I'm gonna own." And it's great how he ditches the vest after a minute or two in. Totally normal behavior.

Honorable Mention:

Jean Claude Van Damme Two words: Sehhk. Seee. Don't front. Have a good weekend.

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