Like Kermit the Snitch, it's not my business if you enjoy cocaine. I think it's the most ridiculous drug of all because I associate it with the 1980s, which was easily the silliest decade I've lived through.
But I recognize there are people in this world who use it and since there is a demand, there are suppliers. And though these persons are law-breakers, home-wreckers and accomplices to terrorism, at least some of them probably listen to music that inspires them to be the best at being the worst.
And so because of this...Stitches.
If you've been walled up away from the world, like Fortunato in that one Poe story -- who actually did get a brick in his face -- you may have missed the Miami rapper's video for "Brick In Yo Face." In case you haven't seen it, here's what you need to know:
- It's about one man's affinity for the work he does;
- The rapper behind the video is a Florida teen who proclaims to be a longtime drug dealer;
- Whatever is normally considered "over the top" had a spire added to it and then Stitches scaled and jumped over that.
Stitches shouldn't be confused with the titular character of the 2012 B-horror movie, though both are disturbingly dangerous or hilariously clownish, depending on how much of what you're seeing you're believing. A recent Noisey article on the artist provides some background. Maybe because his breakthrough video is so outlandish, or because he's a white rapper from Miami -- we all know how that's turned out before -- his credibility has been questioned.
Since this commentary is about the video and not the artist, we don't have to worry about those tiresome questions. Let's simply enjoy this for what it is. It's a black and white video shot with lots of cocaine-filtered white. It features a cameo by Hellraiser's Pinhead, who treats a kilo of yayo like cheap talcum powder.
And, whatever you think of the song or the video, its central character is mesmerizing. He's a musclebound mass with a head that resembles a prickly pineapple. Everything about him reminds me of that old Eddie Murphy joke about Teddy Pendergrass and how he "scared the bitches into liking him."
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Stitches can't really rap, but that hook is all supergluey, strong-holding and sticking on you when you really wish it wouldn't. If your trade is shuffling Peruvian marching powder, "Now whatchu gon' do with it" is the equivalent to "We will rock you" for athletes. This puts Stitches on par with Freddie Mercury, if only for the moment.
Bottom line, the song and its video are about people who put in work. Your job is probably something much safer and more law-abiding than slangin' dope, but nobody's rapping about how they love selling interest-sensitive universal life insurance with accidental death riders.
So crank this up and fantasize on the way to work. Even if he's just fantasizing, too, Stitches has given the working man an anthem for 2014.
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