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Funny HPMA Nomination Ballot Fails

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It does Rocks Off's heart good to see that our Music Award nominations have stirred up so much debate. As we mentioned Tuesday, according to our Web people, there were some 9,000 nominations submitted across our 43 categories.

Of course there's no way for us to really know, but as far as we can tell, most of the nominations were sincere. But not all of them. With that many, there's always going to be a few jokers, bad apples, and people who Just Don't Get It.

In a few cases, that includes the nominees themselves. One of the leading vote-getters across several categories this year encouraged their fans to vote for an album that, according to iTunes, was originally released in December 2009. We checked.

Yes, it's been a long time since we've had the Music Awards, but not that long. Sorry.

  • Satan received seven nominations for Best Guitarist.
  • Current U.S. House Speaker John Boehner drew five nominations for Best Zydeco. Rocks Off has no idea whether or not the distinguished gentleman plays the accordion or rubboard, but as the current representative of the Ohio's 8th Congressional District, we're pretty sure he's not from Houston.
  • Also not from Houston: Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, who each drew a handful of Best Pop nominations, and Adele, who outpaced a number of actual Houstonians in Best Female Vocalist. As she has been all year, Beyonce trailed Adele, gathering only seven votes.
  • One of our favorites: Rocks Off is as patriotic as the next Music Editor, but "United States" is not a valid option for Best Country. Not in this poll, anyway.
  • Bob Marley, who has been deceased since 1981, drew five Reggae/Dub/Ska nominations. Insert ganja joke here.
  • DJ Screw, dead since 2000, also drew a handful of votes for Best Rap DJ. That at least we can understand. Sort of.
  • We nearly punctured a lung laughing when we saw that Slap-a-Hoe Records received several nominations for Best Local Label. After some checking, it turns out it is a real record label... out of Dallas.
  • Eleven misguided souls nominated "CD" for best LP/CD/EP.
  • Perhaps we should reconsider for next year, but as of right now all Music Award nominations are limited to humans. Nevertheless, Cleo the Cat drew eight nominations for Best Scenester, handily outpacing both "your mom" and "the assholes." We were sure the assholes would do better this year.
  • Finally, an awful lot of you really, really, really need to learn how to spell.

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