Note: Because there ain't a whole lot else going on, today Rocks Off is revisiting some of our favorite stories of 2014. Happy Holidays!
"Already attacked by the Cracker Jack'd"
"I got laid last night, it was a good night"
"Crazy people watching, man..."
"I SMELL MARIJUANA!"
"I think we're spending more time pretending we're watching shows that actually watching shows"
"Yeah. I like to play Guess That Drug"
"Really though, who actually gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?"
The sweet sounds of Phish coming from the Southernmost Falafel stand upon our exit. Made me think for a second I wanted some falafel. Just for a second, though.
"I don't drink beer, beer is for ugly girls"
After high-fiving someone who was riding on someone's shoulders: Guy 1: You know what would have happened if she had fallen off his shoulders after that? It would have been... Guy 1 + Guy 2: Death by high-five! Guy 1: We should all go that way.
"Wu-Tang Clan? That's where Cee Lo got his start, right?"
"I mean, I love the Fugees..."
"Bill Balleza!!!" said some guy to Channel 11 newscaster Ron Trevino as he walked by. "We all look the same," Trevino retorted with a smile.
"Hey, you've got cheese on your mouth"
"Free Wu-Tang is better than expensive Wu-Tang"
Cop screams in her best cookie monster voice, "I gotta peeeeee!!" into the Federal Reserve gate security box. Gate opens.
"Eh, I don't think there's nothin' in that anyway"
"Why would they make JUPITER the SMALLEST stage??"
In the middle of an argument about where to meet some girls: Bro 1 (grabbing Bro 2's shoulders and looking at him square in the face): Dude! Be a team player!
"You are familiar with Gambino, yes? How would you describe to her?"
"Your stadium is very beautiful!"
Man to friends: "So, do you think today will be cheaper than yesterday?" Friends, unanimously: "No."
FLOSStradamus: "Any time we play this, we make everyone get down low!" Man next to me, non-ironically: "Oh nooooo. I do NOT have the quads for that."
"What time does Passion Pit go on?"
"OHMIGOD it smells like pot"
Story continues on the next page.
"She was doing this (imitates Wolf of Wall Street chest-thumps). I almost punched her in her fucking face"
"I don't fucking care about his problems, I have all my money and all my beer!"
Drunk girl waves over to someone in the VIP area: Drunk Girl: asfalsj asdfoaho fasdfabo. VIP Guy looks puzzled. He moves closer: VIP Guy: I don't understand what you're saying. Drunk Girl: dfasdfhoi dafsd bibuer beer. VIP Guy: I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Girl 2 (leaning over Drunk Girl to address VIP Guy): Do not give her any more alcohol.
"Step then, bitch!"
"I hate those fucking beach balls. They always hit me in the head"
"I ate enough paper to fill a notebook." -- Random guy explaining to listeners his FPSF acid experience
A fest-goer with an empty cup asked a stranger if he'd accept $10 in exchange for six ounces of his unopened beer. The beer-holder said that seemed a bit steep. Empty Cup reminded Beer-Holder since he had the commodity, he could set the price. Once the economics lesson ended, one guy had a filled cup and the other had five bucks.
"We're all human water balloons"
"Wow. Half the crowd cheered and half the crowd booed"
Like what you read? Or think you can do better? We'd love for you to join our team.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.