Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we'll examine a recent bit of music news and, albeit sometimes awkwardly, tie it to a bit of Houston rap. Send tips to email@example.com. On Monday, we linked to a video of Scarface talking with MTV.com about his forthcoming mixtape, a fairly noteworthy event considering 1) Scarface is one of the greatest rappers alive, and 2) despite his career stretching across two decades, he has never released a mixtape before. By Tuesday, noted hip-hop intellectual and universally respected music critic Perez Hilton had his claws out, scratching "We don't see too much of a point coming back to the biz now, especially since we can't remember who the hell you were then." Somehow, the picture of 'Face attached to the blog post was without the white outline of a penis. 'Face tweeted a congenial response and then kept it moving - he no doubt recognized that Perez Hilton analyzing a Scarface album carries about as much weight as Scarface analyzing rap analysis from a gossip blogger. Perez later implied via Twitter that he was being facetious in the post, but that response came a little too far after the fact to feel like anything more than an attempt to conceal that he probably saw Face's video on MTV.com and then jotted up some quick fodder about it. But even if he was just joking, his readers didn't seem to pick up on it. Hit the jump to see a few of the sic'd gems that landed in the comment section.
"you are so stupid Fat pig....if you odnt care about him...why fucking post it then....you are so retarded." -timetime
It took all of about several minutes before someone referred to Perez as a fat pig in the comments section after the Scarface post went up. We're not sure if that's longer or shorter than it usually takes. And though his usage of ellipsis is a tad cavalier, timetime does get credit for using the proper form of "then," as well as not falling into the "your so retarded" trap of irony.
"Stick to pop music. Any hip hop head knows who Scarface is and would listen to open ears to any new music. You might wanna shut the fuck up about this one and stick to what you know." -Jungle915
Hmm... how does one listen "to open ears"?
"ARE YOU FUCKIN RETARDED YOU FAT PINK BASTARD, SCARFACE IS LAST OF A DYING BREED AND THATS ALL YOU STUPID PECKERWOOD ASS HAS TO KNOW. GO GET A LATE PASS" -DannyGloversDickBlood
We'd just like to make it a special point to point out the above commenter's handle: DannyGloversDickBlood. Fantastic.
"hey now,i love me some perez, but honey i wouldnt expect a gay man to even know who scareface is. if u like hiphop/rap u will love scareface." -jaymelynn410
What the fuck is a "scareface"?
"I have nothing against you but DO NOT talk about hip-hop because i know for a FACT that you don't listen to anything but GaGa and Beiber. So eat my ass" -ericfromdallas
We'd like to propose that the "Look, I have nothing against you, but eat my ass" line become the newest Internet meme. We even made one of those motivational posters for it to help get it rolling.
"SERIOUSLY, I DONT KNOW HOW THIS PEREZ GUY CAN SUCK ANY DICK WHEN HIS MOUTH IS FULL OF HIS OWN FOOT" -DannyGloversDickBlood
DGsDB yields his caps-locked hammer of justice again.
"Just one of the many predictable rude ecotistical rappers... yippie. Now i'm off to stab myself in the eye so i don't have to see this shit again." -KBGD
An "ecotistical" rapper? That's a rapper that is concerned chiefly with the planet's well-being, we're assuming?
"Perez,your a DUMB ASS..." -silverfox
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.