Don't know how we missed it - you'd think the worldwide mass wailing and gnashing of teeth would drown out rush hour traffic on the West Loop - but yesterday one Steven Patrick Morrissey blew out the candles for the 49th time. There's something odd about wishing Sir Mope a "happy" birthday, but the occasion definitely calls some sort of commemoration - if nothing else, to distract us from the fact that the man whose tormented sarcasm translated so well to the Southeast Texas high-school and junior-high experience will be a half-century old next year.
First of all, his birthday is more than enough reason to repost Live at Five's somewhat bewildered account of the hysteria surrounding Moz's 1992 visit to Record Rack:
Here, a Krofft-like Princess Di puppet sings "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now," complete with altered lyrics that hate on Camilla Parker-Bowles...
...And this guy is so sure his "Morrissey" and "Kermit the Frog" voices are so similar he makes Kermit sing a Smiths medley to prove it. (Warning: May actually cause your head to explode.)
Finally, we'll sign off with a birthday card constructed from Smiths song titles.
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"Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me, never had no one ever. You just haven't earned it yet, baby. What difference does it make? Back to the old house, barbarism begins at home."
"I want the one I can't have. Is it really so strange? Heaven knows I'm miserable now. Sweet and tender hooligan, that joke isn't funny anymore."
"The headmaster ritual, the hand that rocks the cradle. The boy with the thorn in his side. Reel around the fountain, paint a vulgar picture."
"How soon is now? I started something I couldn't finish, I know it's over. This night has opened my eyes. Still ill, unloveable, unhappy birthday." - Chris Gray