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He Said She Said: The Sweet, Sweet Sounds of Revenge, Part 2

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For someone who wears motorcycle boots and carries a knife, the bald(ing) He Said rightfully looks like he should be one of the most vindictive cats in the world. But in reality, the only revenge we have ever taken has been of the emotional variety, and that's probably much worse than any windows we have smashed, swimming pools we have overflowed, cars we have keyed or brake lines we have cut. Alright, we don't even know where the brake line of a car is, so that was a fib. He Said has always contended that the worst strain of revenge is mental warfare. Amongst men it is virulent and almost always ends in bloodshed. Between men and women, it is most assuredly deadly. There is nothing worse than knowing that someone of the opposite sex is plotting to exact revenge against you. Even if you deserve it, there is still a twinge of anger that someone would dare attempt to even the score. Some less classy people get off on the thrill of angering people enough to elicit the revenge urge. Those people are called He Said's ex-fiancé. We don't wear revenge well. To us it has always been a base emotion. It has almost endlessly backfired on us, and we don't get the satisfaction that the little voice in our head promises it will bring us. Revenge taken too far is cruel and can actually negate the original action that precipitated the need to take revenge. If your girlfriend cheats on you, you don't burn down her house. It's just not the same. Well, unless she and the new guy are both in there; then it's a crime of passion and you get to go to a pretty jail and meet a wise and hardy convict who can smuggle you in a pick axe to tunnel out of prison with. You remember the name of the town, don't you? AC/DC, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" This is truly the only revenge song you will ever need in your life. It's got everything: raunchy lyrics, guitar, and that chorus chant. For whatever nagging problem you have in your life, AC/DC has a song to get you through it. We don't know how many times "Big Balls" has pulled us out of the mental shitter. James Brown "The Big Payback" He Said just wouldn't fuck with James Brown. It seems stupid and ill-advised. He was insane, but cool. He led police on a chase through a few states and did crack. We wouldn't be surprised if he had people killed in his time.

Waylon Jennings, "Mental Revenge"

This is how He Said likes his revenge. It's all about imagining that the next guy in line is some brutish oaf who will prove that you weren't so bad after all. That's where we live, mama. Living well is the best revenge...

Queen, "Death On Two Legs"

What better way to get back at someone then through a song on one of your band's most undisputed masterpieces of an album. Freddie Mercury did just that, making mincemeat out of an associate with "Death On Two Legs." Revenge never sounded so beautiful.

Aerosmith, "Janie's Got A Gun"

We can get behind killing dudes that screw with children. In fact, we would form a posse and just go around wasting the punks. We could even get sweet patches for our jean jackets. This isn't so much as revenge as it is making wrongs right.

John Lennon, "How Do You Sleep?"

Lennon's kiss-off to old friend Paul McCartney was expertly executed in only the precise way that J-Yo could. If ever a song could actually properly solidify the sound of kicking a man in the nuts, this was it. Then he recorded it with George Harrison there! That's balls.

Metallica, "Seek And Destroy"

If we ever do go on a revenge spree, this will be playing in our car. From the opening guitar stabs and the young James Hetfield's screechy vocals, this song is pure bloodlust. Everyone in this band at the time was on point. You can't beat 'Tallica in this era. "You will pay dying, one thousand deaths." Dude, that's awesome.

Motorhead, "Sweet Revenge"

Live it to Lemmy to sneak on this list.

[Ed. Note: We are shocked.]

The old man slows things down a bit on this track from


, almost coming off as a blues number. We honestly tried to go a few weeks without mentioning Motorhead on HSSS, but what the hell...

Whiskeytown, "Revenge"

We are just now digging deeper into Ryan Adams' pre-solo work. We only took glancing looks at it, but with this song you can totally see where Lucero's Ben Nichols took a hefty bite. "So tell me your secret, did you want to see me pull my guns" is a perfect pissy Adams line, from a man who does bratty well. It's his calling card. Truth be told, he has probably done a lot in his time to deserve revenge be laid on his own head.

Garth Brooks, "Friends In Low Places"

Just like Tony Montana, at the end of the day all we have is our balls and our word. When we sing this at karaoke bars, we change the "boots" line to "Cons" in honor of our ratty Converse shoes.

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