Early Wednesday evening, I was teaching my sons lines from SPM songs because being a cool dad is usually the same as being a shitty dad. Boy B had a question: "Daddy, why are we doing this?" It was simple and reasonable and direct. But I kind of didn't have an answer. We just were doing it is why were doing it, really. Sometimes the universe isn't that complicated.
But I didn't tell him that. I couldn't. Or, rather, I wouldn't, because he and his brother are still at the stage of their lives where they think I am Superman's Superman and I hold the keys to the cosmos and fuck you if you think I'm screwing that up any sooner than I have to. I mean, that's a lot of power to just hand over willingly, bro. I can't do that. No dad can.
So I said, "Well, son, I'll tell you why we're doing this," then I made a fart noise and the two of them laughed for ten seconds and then tried to figure out how I hung the moon in the sky so high. Have some sons, man. That shit is the tits.
At any rate, that (eventually) lead to this: What follows is a compilation of some of Houston's most iconic rap lines as memes. Of course there are witty remarks with each because of course there are. Forward.
Gross gross, gross gross. Give her 50 feet.
Who knew Elrond* was so ambitious?
*If you know who Elrond is, and you knew what song this line was without looking at the title, well then you might be just about the greatest person of all.
Best assertion in the song: "I'll take your ass to a motherfuckin' chicken fight!"
The first thing I thought when I saw this picture: FUCK-I-NEED-A-DOG-RIGHT-THE-FUCK-NOW-AHHHHH.
A weatherman. Get it? Eh, eh?
If God called me tonight and was all, "Hello? Hi, it's Mike from the Dildo store. Your custom made dildo's ready.? ...ahahaha Sike! It's me, God. What up, playa? Listen, I got something for you: I'm gonna let you pick the way you die. What'll it be?" I'd be like, "Easy: I wanna be nunchaku'd to death." It wouldn't even take me four seconds to think about.
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This slick little fat kid smoking is bad, sure. But it's basically the most adorable bad that's even been badded, feel me?
Probably the most throwed anyone has ever been in any game.