British video blogger Jack Harries and his pal, Caspar Lee, recently threw a little something together that racked up 1.5 million YouTube hits in a couple of weeks. They squirmed into their best skinny jeans, went off to the park and tried some "chat-up lines" on the ladies.
Humor-wise, these kids are no threat to the Pythons, but they deserve credit for knowing how to draw attention to their creative efforts. They chose not to use tried and true pick-up lines, but instead employed lyrics from the insanely popular boy band One Direction to step to the honeys.
This is the part where I'm expected to turn super-judgmental, using my hipster lingo and logic to proclaim these youngsters the worst offenders of musical sensitivities since 4 Non Blondes.
But, no -- today, I come to praise and not bury One Direction, which visits Toyota Center this Sunday. Nearly 2 million people viewed the Harries and Lee video post just to hear these kids recite One Direction lyrics. No singing, no dancing and no members of the band are featured in the video; still, 1.5 million views.
There's a long history of doing this whole Cyrano de Bergerac thing (go read some literature, kids), so let's see how Harries and Lee did with the lines they chose and examine which lyrical pick-up lines may have been better options:
Song: "Live While You're Young"
Line: "Hey girl, I'm waiting on you. I'm waiting on you..."
Response: The subject begins giggling and eventually pushes Harries away with an Arian Foster-worthy stiff-arm. Fail.
Better One Direction Choice: "Under the lights tonight/ You turned around/ And you stole my heart..." ("Stole My Heart")
It's a little classier and would probably work best when the bar is about to kick everyone out.
Classic Similar Pick-up Line: "I know who I want to take me home" (Semisonic's "Closing Time")
Works best delivered with come-hither eyes and after numerous drinks.
Song: "Kiss You"
Line: "I just wanna take you anywhere that you'd like. We can go out, any day, any night..."
Response: Young lady shakes her head, looks around for help, mumbles something like, "Oh my God, no."
Better One Direction Choice: "Lately, I found myself thinking/ Been dreaming about you a lot/ And up in my head I'm your boyfriend..." ("I Would")
Classic Similar Pick-up Line: "Let's pretend we're married and go all night/ There ain't nothing wrong, if it feels alright/ Oooh wee sha sha coo coo yeah" (Prince's "Let's Pretend We're Married")
I wasn't there, but I'll bet this one worked for Prince at least once.
Line: "Now that you can't have me/ You (suddenly) want me..." Response: The attempt becomes a philosophical dialogue on the nature of star-crossed relationships.
Better One Direction Choice: "We play the same old games and wait for the end to change/ And take it for granted we'll be the same/ But baby, we're making all the same mistakes" ("Same Mistakes")
Classic Similar Pick-up Line: "Though a million stars were shining, my heart was lost on a distant planet that swirls around the April moon/ Whirling in an arc of sadness/ I'm lost without you" (Sting's "Mad About You")
Lads, take note -- this is how a British gentleman of letters gets down. Lines like this will take things from poetic to tantric in a hurry.
Song: "Little Things"
Line: "I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile/ You've never loved your stomach or your thighs..."
Response: Look of confusion, slightly insulted, asks, "Is that a compliment?"
Better One Direction Choice: "If I'm louder, would you see me? Would you lay down in my arms and rescue me?" ("More Than This")
Huh? Okay, maybe that's an only slightly better choice.
Classic Similar Pick-up Line: "I see you on a Saturday night, in a penny arcade/ With your hair tied back/ And the diamond twinkle in your eye is the only wedding ring I'll buy you" (Tom Waits' "Muriel")
Is this an outright dis? A backhanded compliment? A proclamation of love that can never be reciprocated? All of the above? Seriously, you've got to love Tom Waits
Song: "What Makes You Beautiful"
Line: "You're insecure, odn't know what for/ You're turning heads when you walk through the door..."
Response: Intrigued, then a big smile, a laugh and the look of nervous excitement on her face.
Better One Direction Choice: None. This one works. It's destined to be a classic musical pick-up line.
Classic Similar Pick-up Line: "I'll invade your demeanor and you'll yield to me, like a scent in the breeze/ And you'll wonder what it is about me/ It's my big secret, keeping you coming/ Slow like honey, heavy with mood" (Fiona Apple's "Slow Like Honey")
Aw, yeah. If this doesn't get the job done go ahead and join match.com and let them do the work for you.
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