So "planking" is an actual thing now, it appears. Great.
Here's how you plank:
Here's how you plank in Houston:
Lie flat on something. Take a picture of it. Send it to Slim Thug on Twitter.
It started simply and quickly and should have been completely predictable: Seventy-two hours ago, Slim Thug began asking questions about planking.
Shortly thereafter, he started posting pictures. Others did too.
Now a Planking War has begun. Various members of the Houston rap community have, or are, participating. So we trolled the Internet for two hours last night looking for the eight best. They're below.
8. UZOY (Like the Gun) Planks SF2
What is one supposed to do when one is at an album listening party that has ended? Plank, of course. Good enough for 8th place.
7. DJ Mr. Rogers: Planking While Working
We're in the easy part of the list right now. More difficult as we go up.
6. Devi Dev from 97.9 The Box: Planking on a High-Ranking Radio Station Employee's Desk
Not a rapper, but close enough. The description says it all. Hopefully she doesn't get banned for her tomfoolery.
5. You Say He Won't, Propain Says He Will
The thing that makes this one so funny is that Pro, perpetually scowling and typically aggravated looking, is in character entirely here. Look at his face. Planking is an inherently funny and amusing act, and he's no doubt giggling at bit at himself inside, but he looks pissed as shit. It's remarkable. He might be the only guy in town that could pull off an Angry Plank. Dangerous mind, indeed.
4. Slim Thug's Hollywood Plank
The biggest, bossiest hogg planks on the same mountain that they film parts of Men of a Certain Age* on. Sooner or lady, Thugga's going to post a picture of himself planking in someone. It's only a matter of time. And when it does happen, he'll jump to the front of the line. In the meantime, he settles in nicely at fourth.
3. Kane Planks History at House of Blues
Kane, party-throwing guru and just generally important person, hosted Trae's album release party at House of Blues on Tuesday. During his MCing, he took a moment to plank, making him the first rapper in the history of the world to plank the House of Blues. Aces for being historic.
2. Carl Planking Into His Freezer
That's Carl. Carl isn't a rapper, but he does manage one (Dante Higgins). He has been enthusiastic about his planks. The general difficulty and bizarreness of this one pushes him all the way up to second, losing to the one guy that everyone always seems to lose to...
1. Bun B Planks for Screw
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Bun B: Rap legend, distinguished Rice University professor, and planker. This isn't an especially difficult plank, but you have to take context into account. Here, he's in the legendary Screw Shop, face down into the selection binder*. The page the binder is on? "June 27," of course. That's extra meta, so he gets meta points.
*There are about 250 or so DJ Screw tapes to select from. All of them have a page in the selection binder. The page shows what tracks are on each tape. An untold number of fingers have touched that thing. It is easily the most important binder in the universe. We heard Nicolas Cage is making a movie right now where he attempts to steal it because it contains vital clues to a lost treasure.