Current Events

How Beyoncé Microwaved the News This Week

Here's how a major announcement would roll in the life of Brando: short, quick, brief moments of celebration, smug congratulations and thank-yous from people before the realization that only douches do that sort of thing and I'd be captain of their army.

And nobody wants to hitch a ride on that train of thought.

Thing is, I'm not a superstar nor do I aspire to be one. Plenty of other things could be checked off my bucket list, but being so famous that I'm immediately associated with the phrases "crazy," "Napoleon complex" and "Katt Williams" isn't one of them. Not my cup of tea. But it is surely fascinating watching one particular star decide to leak out new information on a daily basis that is both parts stop-the-presses captivating and overwhelming.

Two thousand thirteen is about living inside of a microwave. And Beyoncé just mastered it in five days' time.

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Brandon Caldwell has been writing about music and news for the Houston Press since 2011. His work has also appeared in Complex, Noisey, the Village Voice & more.
Contact: Brandon Caldwell