How To Be Goth In Six Easy Steps

Greetings comrades in glorious mainstream revolution! For your re-education and orientation, today we show a promotional music video to illustrate best way to separate pig capitalist of sub-culture codename: Goth from their babysitting money. Performers in video Black Veil Brides, song is "Perfect Weapon," off debut album We Stitch These Wounds.

1. Reference to previous metal fashions useful to linkage to current 80s nostalgia wave. Inclusion of Adam Lambert hair and HIM-like logo and implies modern relevancy.

2. Ouija Board guitar and Anton LaVey sound clips imply rebellion and evil. Ignores fact that both items available at most shopping malls. Also, smoking now, "bad" again.

3. Note vocals: Screaming mixed with melodic crooning meant to convey "sensitive monster" boyfriend figure. See also Cullen, Edward.

4. Emo lyrics good for justifying low self-esteem. Continues comfort through consumption of product. Endless cycle good for business.

5. Black leather still cool for foreseeable future.

6. Welcoming gestures by non-threatening effeminate singer invites acceptance, further consumption.

Using checklist and video, we hope you to will have success in mainstream revolution with sub-culture codename: Goth. Long live the glorious revolution.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner