My sister and I stumbled upon a life lesson unicorn at ACL yesterday. Being the classy broads we are, we decided that the tiny cans of beer weren't working their alcohol-fueled magic quickly enough, and we were sick of having to walk back and forth during a really good Arctic Monkeys set to get more. It was hot, we were thirsty, and the only thing we could get in a Costco-sized quantity was wine. So with wine we went.
But when we ordered a bottle, it's safe to say we expected to be handed, well, a bottle of wine. And true, what was handed over was technically a bottle of wine. But it was also a bottle of heaven. Behold the greatest invention we've ever seen: the wine thermos.
Yeah, you read that right. What was handed over was not some cheesy traditional wine bottle, but a bike thermos full of wine, complete with the old-school pop-top and all. I know; our minds were blown too. How such a thing exists outside of our dreams, we don't know.
But this thing was handed over with a question about whether we needed any glasses to go with our wine thermos, and we knew we'd stumbled upon something fantastic. It had never occurred to us that an old school bike water bottle would make the perfect vessel for a wine thermos, but it did. And bonus? We could do so many activities with it!
We also suddenly became interesting and earned ourselves a lot of festival besties, thanks to that damn thermos. See, there's something extra-special about the ability to squirt wine directly into your mouth, and apparently people are quite amused by the idea of wine shots. It makes the whole flask thing seem mundane when a steady stream of warm red wine is making its way toward your mouth at cannonball speed.
We managed to perfect our aim with shooting wine directly into our mouths, and the folks around us started to take notice of our new toy. Soon everyone wanted a taste of the wine thermos. We began trading out the use of our wine thermos in exchange for a swig from our festival neighbors' boring (but quite delicious) flasks. Soon they were testing out fancy new versions of the wine shot; they came up with double-partner wine shoot and the "thirsty biker eschewing water for wine" shoot. It was awesome.
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We used the hell out of that wine thermos, making friends everywhere we went. The novelty of warm wine out of a bike thermos really never wore off. Turns out people really like cheap wine out of elementary-school thermoses. Who knew? (ACL apparently, since they sold it to us.) We traded wine with Waldo, sprayed it in the air like champagne, and relished the conversation-starter that was our wine-thermos/crunk cup. I like to think we did Lil Jon proud with that thing.
Making new friends at festivals can be tough. Everyone's all buddied up and a little suspicious of the folks around them. So if you're wanting to break that whole vibe, we suggest a wine thermos, because somehow those things are filled with magic-friend dust. Just do what we did and use it to the best of your ability, always for good and not evil. Even if the evil is really really tempting, like spraying it down your sister's shirt and then telling her that the only thing that gets wine out is more wine.
And spraying it again. We'd never do that. That would be a total dick move.
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