I CAUGHT MY SON WATCHING PORN

Dear Willie D:

I caught my son watching porn on his computer when he was supposed to be asleep. He is 14 years old, so I know that he has certain feelings at that age, but what does this mean, and should I punish him?

Certain Feelings:

What your son is experiencing is normal, so don’t punish him. It will only make him rebel and consider sex as something deviate. You could take his computer out of his room and make him use a computer in a common area of your home if it makes you feel comfortable. You could also put various safeguards on the web browser of his personal computer and his cell phone, but if he really wants to watch porn, he will. The Internet has made it way too accessible.

The best thing to do is to talk with your son about what he’s feeling. A lot of parents today are catching their young boys watching porn. I watched porn. My cousins watched porn. Boys watch porn; it’s not a big deal. He’s just getting a “grip” on his sexuality.

MY GOTH DAUGHTER SCARES ME

Dear Willie D:

I live in the suburbs with my 14-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter. My son is the inquisitive, adventurous type, and my daughter has always been a little disinterested and aloof; that is until this year when she enrolled into high school. One day she came home wearing black nail polish. The next day she had on black lipstick. Now all she wears is black clothes everywhere she goes. She refuses to go anywhere with our family that requires her to dress normal. Is this a phase or should I be concerned?

Suburban Goth:

It may or may not be a phase, and no, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Most parents are afraid of Goth because whenever they see it on television it’s associated with depression, suicide and rebellion. They see the all-black everything and freak out for no reason. Black is not a bad color, unless you perceive it to be. Goth is more than a fashion statement; like real hip-hop, it’s a lifestyle. It’s about being free spirited and standing out, not trying to fit in like most kids do.

Talk to your daughter about your concerns. Do a little research on Goth first and get familiar with the culture. It will impress her that you took the time to educate yourself on something that interests her, and I’m betting it will even make her open up to you. Now if you really want to connect with her, paint your nails black, dress in all black clothes, and pick her up from school one day on a Harley blasting “This Corrosion” by The Sisters of Mercy. That’s how you do it.

I WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME

Dear Willie D:

I have a problem making friends naturally, so I buy things for people so they will like me. I have always had this problem. When people ask for my opinion, I will tell them whatever they want to hear so that they don’t become angry with me. I just had some repair work done on my house that I now realize I paid too much for. Actually, I felt like the guy was charging me too much, but I felt pressured to agree with the price because he was very aggressive. I’m a little woman [5 feet, two inches tall] and this guy could have easily overpowered me and did whatever he wanted. My mom always tells me to stick up for myself, but I don’t think it’s in me to be confrontational.

I don’t like it when someone is mad at me. How can I get over this way of thinking, and stop being nice so that I’m not allowing people to take advantage of me?

Feeling Pressured:

Being nice isn’t your problem. Your problem is you’re nice to the wrong people. All you need is a little…okay, a lot of confidence so that you can learn to tolerate people thinking bad about you. Be nice, but don’t overdo it. If you’re nice to someone and they take you for granted or try to use you, kick them to the curb, and move on with your life.

You are a good person and you deserve to be treated as such. But that all starts with how you teach people to treat you and how you view yourself. Never change who you are to please others, and never, ever try to buy friends. The only time money can buy friends is when you pay a bot farm to add fake friends on social media – and even then they might stop following you.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

Dear Willie D:

Both my son and I are car enthusiasts and traders. I just got a steal deal on a classic 1962 Buick LeSabre for under market value. It’s a car my son had been looking for, so when I saw it was available I bought it fast. My son knew the car was for sale, but he procrastinated, allowing me to beat him to the punch.

Well, now he wants to buy it from me for the same price I bought it for. I told him no, I want at least the market value. Now he’s pissed off at me, and is opening old wounds from the past when I wasn’t there with his mom to raise him. I told him this is business not personal, so why bring personal matters into the discussion?

I thought we had buried the hatchet and put our differences in the past. But he refuses to speak to me just because I won’t let him take advantage of me. What is the best way for me to handle this situation without causing any more damage to our already fragile father/son relationship?

Classic Problem:

If I were in your shoes knowing that my son wanted the car, but was procrastinating I would have likely bought it, then sold it to him for what I paid for the car. I know for some people business is business, but I would feel weird making money off my son.

If you’re not willing to sell the car for what you bought it for, why don’t you reach out to your son and tell him you’re willing to split the difference. Either way it behooves you to fix this, and once you resolve the car issue tune up your personal relationship with your son because that’s really where all of the animosity is coming from. I hate to see family fighting over money. It’s never worth it.

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for his best answers.