Ask Willie D

I’m Tired of Dating but Don’t Want to Be Alone. Help!

I’m Tired of Dating but Don’t Want to Be Alone. Help!
Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:

I’m in my thirties and I’m still on the dating circuit. All the guys I end up with turn out to be huge calamities. I’m done with wearing my heart on my sleeve only to be disappointed over and over again. I find more peace in staying to myself, but I get bored and stressed when I’m alone.

How do I change my relationship trajectory for the better?

Dating Circuit:

Never let anyone change who you are for the worse. If wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you comfortable, by all means continue to do so. You just have to find someone who will appreciate that part about you instead of someone who will take advantage.

Don’t make finding a mate a job. In fact, don’t even make it a priority. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have, and continue to live. The best relationships are often found when we aren’t even looking.


Dear Willie D:

My family are Afghanistan refugees by way of Pakistan. Hinduism is our religion. We came to America to escape the violence and uncertain political situation. However, things are not as we thought they might be now that we are here. My children are being harassed by American children at school, and our house has been the target of vandalism simply because we are perceived Muslims.

We are kind, hardworking people. My family and I have always viewed America as a place of kindness, fairness and opportunity. But now we feel uncertain. When will Trump stand up to racial hatred and the people who fuel the fire?

Afghan Refugee:

…When he slaps himself for grabbing women by the pussy.


Dear Willie D:

I work as an office manager at a dentist's office. I get along well with the owner, but his wife doesn’t like me because she thinks I want her man. She is always standing over me trying to critique my job performance.

I get paid biweekly. March will mark my first complete year with the company, and I’ve only been paid on time twice. At the moment, they’re behind four weeks of payments to me. The wife is the one who signs the checks.

When I ask her about it, she promises to catch up when business picks up. Our office is always busy. We see anywhere from 20 to 30 clients a day, but she won’t pay me. If I quit, I feel she won’t ever pay me. How do I get paid for the work I’ve done?

Office Manager:

Although every state is different, I’m pretty sure your employer is in violation of state labor laws. Send your employer an email demanding your money first. If that doesn’t work, follow up with a call to the D.O.L. before shelling out money to a lawyer. They will help you get your money.

Shitty employers don’t like employees who stand up for themselves. So be on the lookout for a new job while you’re getting that letter together.


Dear Willie D:

I guess I’m my mother’s daughter, because my sister tries to boss me around the same way my mom’s sister bosses her around. We are both in our thirties and six years apart. Ever since we were small kids, she’s tried to dictate what I should wear, who I should date, and where I should and shouldn’t go.

When I bought my house last month, she was adamantly against it because the house has three bedrooms and I’m single with no kids. Then, when I had my housewarming she came over, and complained about the decor. As always, she pulled my mom to her side so that she could justify her position.

I finally got tired of her picking on me, and retorted, “If you don’t like how my house is decorated, you can leave!” A lot more was said by both of us, but I’ll leave it at that. I didn’t speak to her for more than five months, and when I did, I was short and dry. But I could tell she was making an effort to be nice because for the first time in a long time, she didn’t complain about some facet of my life.

It’s now been about a month since we started back talking, and NO complaints! I’m only making time to speak to her once a week because I still don’t trust that she fully respects me. I feel more in control than I’ve ever been in our relationship. I wish someone had sent in a letter like this for me to read years ago.

I’m sharing because maybe it’ll be of benefit to one of your readers.

Bossed Around:

Good for you. Respect is the foundation for all relationships. Thanks for sharing.

Ask Willie D anything at, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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Willie D is a member of the legendary hip hop band, the Geto Boys, the host and executive producer of the Willie D Live podcast, and an advice columnist for the Houston Press since 2013.
Contact: Willie D