I NEED HELP CHOOSING THE RIGHT LADY TO BE WITH
Dear Willie D:
My name is Wood. I’m one of your biggest fans from way back in the gap. I’ve been having the biggest problem in my life with two ladies. I’ve been with one lady for 12 years through ups and downs, and we broke up for a while. I met another lady, and we dated for about nine months. Now she's pregnant going on eight months.
I’m still in love with the lady I've been with for 12 years. We love each other so much that it’s hard to let go. My lady that is pregnant knows I have deep feelings for her, but she figures my heart is in two households. She is right.
How do I make the right choice on who to be with before I lose my position with both women? I’m just looking for guidance because I’m so far gone on a solution.
Dude, you’ve already answered your own question. You said that you’re still in love with the lady you’ve dated for 12 years. Go back to your old flame, and spare your new girl the agony of being in a relationship with a man whose heart will always belong to another woman.
Alternatively, you could try living single for a year or more so that you can become familiar with yourself and learn what it is you really desire in a mate and expect out of a relationship. Life is about choices. You can’t have it all and have it all be good all the time. You have to choose.
I HATE THAT MY DAUGHTER CALLS HER STEPMOTHER "MOM"
Dear Willie D:
Two months ago, my ten-year-old daughter came home from her weekend stay with her dad calling her stepmother "mom." The first time she said it, my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. I told her she only has one mom, and that’s me.
She knows I don’t like her calling her stepmother "mom," but she won’t stop because she says she feels more comfortable saying "mom." How do I get her to stop calling her stepmother "mom," and making me feel so bad?
Children usually choose to refer to stepparents with names that are indicative of the emotional connection they have with the stepparent.
To each his own, but I think calling a stepparent "mom" or "dad" is disrespectful to the biological parent, unless that stepparent has played a more significant role in the child’s development than the biological parent has. In which case the stepparent would have earned the right to be called "mom" or "dad."
Some people will argue that children should be able to make the decision to call their stepparent "mom" or "dad" on their own. If that’s the case, why not allow children to make every important decision on their own? Tell your daughter how much it hurts you to hear her call someone else "mom" when you are the one who gave her birth and have supported her all her life.
Then talk to your child’s father about the matter. It is his responsibility to make sure that your relationship with your daughter remains intact upon returning home from visiting him. The good news is, the fact that your daughter feels comfortable enough to call her stepmother "mom" means that the stepmother is probably treating her as if she were her own. That’s a good thing.
I STRUGGLE WITH FIRING PEOPLE
Dear Willie D:
My job requires me to manage the job performance of 27 employees. Additionally, I have the power to hire and fire accordingly. After some self-evaluation, I concluded that my responsibility for firing people was the source of my stress over the past months.
I have only had to fire four people in 18 months on the job, but each time is like a death in the family, because I genuinely love all of my employees and we are a close-knit bunch. When an employee’s job performance falls below a certain criterion, he or she is put on probation, and if it doesn’t improve, I have to fire that person, no exceptions.
Because of the company’s strict policy, I go out of my way to help my employees raise their job performance when they are close to receiving a probationary notice. I’m struggling with having the power to decide people’s livelihood. How can I do my job without feeling guilty and stressed out?
Guilty & Stressed:
Think about how inefficient many government agencies are, yet they hardly ever fire anyone. Would you want to run your company with such inferior productivity? If our government had more people in charge who were dedicated to stomping out those who underperform, we would be better off as a nation.
I can appreciate your compassion for your employees, but if an employee is underperforming, it trickles down and affects the whole company, sometimes to the extent where the company is forced out of business. If the company is forced out of business, you don’t eat. You have two options: Fire incompetent employees and keep your job, or fire no one and get fired. The choice is yours.
SHOULD I PLACE MY LOGO ON A CLIENT’S WEBSITE?
Dear Willie D:
I build websites for companies. Compared to other people whose work isn’t as good as mine, I don’t charge much. I’m redesigning a site for a company that gets a lot of traffic, so having its customers know that I designed the site is important.
As is customary, I placed my logo, and a link to my company website, at the bottom of the first page so that people who visit my client's site will know how to find me if they become interested in my services. I send all my clients a link to their website so they can keep up with the work progress when their site is under construction.
After seeing the site, the marketing director sent me an email demanding that I delete my company info on the basis that they paid me to build their website to promote their brand, not mine.
I want to leave my information on their site and let them remove it if they want it off. I have already been paid in full for the job. You're a businessman, so I'm sure you've had a website or two built. What are your thoughts?
Yes, I have had several websites built, and I don’t allow web designers to put their logo and links on my site, except in the case of bartering. Unless the contract you have with the company states that you can include your logo and link on the company site, if I were you, I’d delete it. When in business, you have to give the customer what the customer wants, not what you want him to have.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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